Why the “21 Days to Make a Habit” Rule is Holding You Back: The Real Science Behind Habit Formation
If you’ve ever been told that it takes just 21 days to form a habit, you’re not alone. It’s a popular concept that’s been thrown around in self-help books, fitness programs, and diet challenges. But here’s the truth: the 21-day rule is a myth.
When it comes to long-term behavior change—especially complex habits like transforming your eating or exercise routine—21 days simply isn’t enough. In fact, research shows it could take much, much longer to turn those behaviors into habits that actually stick.
The Origin of the 21-Day Myth
The idea that it only takes 21 days to form a habit originated in the 1960s with Dr. Maxwell Maltz, a plastic surgeon. He noticed that it took his patients around 21 days to adjust to changes in their appearance after surgery. However, this observation was specific to post-surgery adaptation and was never meant to apply to habit formation in general.
Over time, this idea was adopted and simplified into the notion that anyone can form any habit in just 21 days. But science has since proven that this just isn’t the case, especially for more complex behaviors like changing your relationship with food or exercise.
The Real Science of Habit Formation
In reality, forming a habit is a much more individualized process. In a 2009 study from University College London, researchers found that it can take anywhere from 18 to 254 days to form a habit, depending on how complex the behavior is. On average, the participants took 66 days to form a new habit.
So why the wide range? It comes down to complexity. Simple habits like drinking a glass of water with your lunch might only take a few weeks to become automatic. But behaviors that are deeply rooted—like breaking the cycle of restrictive dieting or making exercise a regular part of your life—take much longer. And the more significant the behavior change, the more time and consistency it requires to solidify.
Complex Habits Take Time—And That’s Okay
If you’re a woman over 40, chances are you’ve been through your fair share of diet challenges, workout routines, and quick-fix solutions that promise massive results in just a few weeks. Maybe you’ve tried a 21-day detox or a month-long fitness bootcamp, only to find yourself slipping back into old habits as soon as it’s over.
The reason? 21 days is simply not enough time to change something as complex as your eating habits, fitness routine, or mindset around food.
Think about it: Your relationship with food, exercise, and your body has likely been shaped by years—if not decades—of conditioning. Fad diets, the influence of diet culture, and life’s ups and downs have made these behaviors more complicated than drinking more water or flossing your teeth.
That’s why quick-fix solutions and short challenges often lead to frustration when they don’t work long-term. Real change requires patience, persistence, and a willingness to commit beyond those initial weeks.
Breaking Free from the 21-Day Diet Mentality
The key to long-lasting results isn’t found in 21-day sprints—it’s found in showing up consistently for the long haul. If you’re serious about transforming your health, whether it’s learning to eat more, heal your metabolism, or stay consistent with exercise, you need to give yourself enough time to make these behaviors second nature.
Rather than focusing on 21 days, start thinking about your progress in terms of 66 days, 100 days, or even 254 days. That’s how long it could take for complex habits to become automatic. The good news? Every day you stick with it, you’re reinforcing that habit and moving closer to making it a permanent part of your life.
How to Stick with It Long-Term
So, how do you stay the course when habit formation takes longer than the quick-fix solutions we’ve been conditioned to expect? Here are a few tips:
1. Set realistic expectations: Understand that lasting change takes time. Be patient with yourself and focus on progress, not perfection.
2. Start small: Begin by making small adjustments that you can build on over time. These incremental changes will compound and become habits more easily.
3. Track your progress: Whether it’s using an app to track food intake or a journal to log workouts, tracking your behaviors helps you stay accountable and measure progress.
4. Embrace consistency, not intensity: It’s not about being perfect every day—it’s about showing up regularly. Small, consistent actions lead to bigger, long-term results.
Conclusion: Play the Long Game
Remember, forming a habit takes much longer than 21 days, especially when you’re trying to break free from years of dieting or exercise struggles. The more complex the behavior, the more time and effort it takes to make it a habit.
If you’ve been frustrated by short-term challenges that don’t lead to lasting change, it’s time to shift your mindset. Be willing to commit to 66, 100, or even 254 days of consistent effort. When you do, you’ll find that these habits become automatic, and you’ll finally break free from the cycle of quick fixes.
If you listen to the media, fat loss can sound pretty complicated. High carb, low carb, nutrient timing, intermittent fasting, carb cycling, ketogenic diets, carb backloading, juicing, green smoothies, magical supplements…
It can be challenging to keep a level head and avoid all the latest trends, wondering if a tweak (or two) might be a way to break out of a plateau or to get better results. There are definitely times to include a tweak, but generally speaking, its best that you save these for times that you really need them.
So how do you know if its time to include a tweak?
At EM2WL, we encourage you to take a very no-nonsense, simplified approach to fat loss with minimal rules. Instead of spinning your wheels to figure out which diet is best — take a moment to strip away the “nonsense” from various diet plans that are often just minute variations on the basics. There are a few best practices that we believe to be critical to your success. It’s best to make sure that these elements are firmly in place before tweaking anything.
Think about building a successful fat loss program like building a house. When building a house, you wouldn’t want to try putting up walls before the basic foundation has been laid. Without a firm foundation to build upon, everything else is pretty useless.
What makes up the foundation of a successful fat loss program? We believe there are four key components that are critical to have well established before incorporating any other “tweaks.” We recommend looking over your current fat loss plan and evaluating whether you have a good handle on the following four elements before making any additional changes. How do you measure up?
1. Sufficient calorie intake
If you’ve been following EM2WL for some time, you know that we firmly believe that eating enough is a key component of a successful fat loss plan. The standard “eat less, exercise more” model of weight loss can lead to more muscle than fat loss, lowering your metabolic rate over the long term. Without eating enough calories, you run the risk of causing metabolic damage which does more harm than good. If you’ve been dieting for a very long time and are not seeing the results that you desire, it is very likely that you would benefit from doing a metabolic reset. If you are still struggling to get in an appropriate number of calories daily, it is highly recommended that you become consistent there before incorporating any additional changes. If you’re curious about how many calories is considered sufficient, check out our calorie calculator.
2. Protein
Not only do most women typically not take in enough calories, but tend to be lacking in the protein department as well. This macronutrient can be one of your biggest weapons in winning the fat loss game! Generally, we recommend taking in about 0.8 to 1.0 grams of protein per pound of body weight. A number of studies have shown numerous benefits to high-protein diets. Since protein takes longer for the body to break down and digest, it promotes a feeling of fullness, making it easier for you to stick to your plan. Protein also is essential in sustaining your lean mass, helping you to recover from workouts, and maintaining healthy skin, nails and organs. Protein also has been reported to improve brain function, lower blood pressure and improve sleep quantity.
It can be very challenging to get in all that protein! Give yourself time to get acclimated to a higher protein diet by setting reasonable goals and increasing them weekly. For instance, if your goal is to eat 150 grams of protein, but you’re currently averaging around 75 grams daily, you might start by trying to get in just 100 grams daily and increase slowly. Divide your protein among your meals, and it will likely seem a bit more manageable. Focus on making sure to hit your protein target daily, and then allocate the remaining calories to carbohydrates and fats.
3. Fiber
Most Americans only average about 15 grams of fiber daily, while most people should be taking in anywhere from 20 to 30 grams of fiber daily. Foods high in fiber are more filling and generally take longer to eat than foods low in fiber. They are a great way to “stretch out” your meals, thereby eating a high volume of food without adding many calories. In addition, including fiber in your diet will slow the digestion of carbohydrates and absorption of sugars, keeping blood sugar stable. High fiber foods also promote digestive health and prevent problems like constipation, hemorrhoids, IBS, and other digestive complaints. High fiber diets also promote heart health by moving fats and bile salts out of the body, lowering cholesterol in the process.
Tip: Keep an eye out for snacks like Quest Bars which can provide 20g of protein, and 17g of fiber per serving. They can be helpful to reach your goals in a pinch, or if you’re newer to tracking these macros, but be sure to try getting as much protein and fiber from whole food sources as possible.
4. Heavy Resistance Training
Heavy resistance training should be a key component of any fitness program when the goal is fat loss. Heavy resistance training has a number of metabolic benefits that will pay off in the fat loss department. Unlike cardio, the metabolic benefits of this type of training last for 24-48 hours after completing your workout as your body must work harder to rebuild its oxygen stores. This effect, commonly referred to as the afterburn effect or EPOC (post-exercise oxygen consumption) has a number of metabolic and athletic benefits that will improve your body composition as well as your gym performance! If you don’t know where to start, there are a number of strength training programs to get you started on your journey to a leaner, stronger, healthier you!
If your current fitness program does not currently involve heavy resistance training at least 2-3 times a week, it is highly recommended that you start here before adding in cardio or other forms of exercise to accomplish your goals. You will be amazed at the way your body transforms when you consistently hit the weights!
DISCLAIMER: We know that many of our followers love running and other forms of cardio and we firmly believe that you should regularly engage in a form of exercise that you truly enjoy! However, there may be times to evaluate whether your preferred form of activity supports your goals.
The Take Away Message
If you feel that you have a good handle on these four elements, there is absolutely nothing wrong with making a small change or two to see how your body responds. We emphasize that it is usually best to change one thing at a time and give your body a chance to respond before changing another variable, however. As you make adaptations to your plan, you will want to make sure you are listening to your body! Pay attention to how you look and feel, how you are performing in the gym and your energy level any time you make a change. Often times, just a very small change can lead to some great results, but if you change too many things at once you will never know what that missing part of the puzzle was!
Photo credit: Apolonia, hin255 of www.freedigitalphotos.net
“I’ll start my diet again on Monday” (or the New Year)…
How many times have you heard — or even said — this very statement? Why do some people have no willpower, and are always “starting over?” Rewiring your brain and shedding old habits is a critical pillar of the Diet Rebel Method, and it’s incredibly important because most people keep repeating the same, outdated, self-sabotaging behaviors over and over (wasting years of their life, while actually gaining MORE weight over time), and that may be exactly what you’re doing right now.
If you find yourself regularly caving to free-for-all periods (weekends, Fall/Winter, etc.), followed by “back on the wagon” declarations, you may be making one (or more) of the 3 most common diet mentality mistakes:
#1 – Trying to be too perfect
The first mistake many people make is trying to be “too perfect” when it comes to their diets. This usually involves strict rules about what can and cannot be eaten, with little wiggle room for treats or indulgences. While this may seem like a good idea in theory, in practice it often leads to feelings of deprivation and frustration which can cause people to give up on their goals entirely. Instead of going for perfection, focus on progress instead. Aim for gradual changes that are sustainable over the long term rather than drastic ones that are difficult (or even impossible) to maintain indefinitely. Celebrate small wins along the way and allow yourself some flexibility when it comes to treats or special occasions – this will help keep you motivated and prevent burn-out or binges down the line.
#2 – Using willpower up in other places
Another common mistake is using up all your willpower in other areas of life, leaving none left for your diet. It can be easy to fall into an all-or-nothing mindset – either everything on your plate is healthy or none of it is – but this isn’t realistic (or healthy). When we use our willpower too much in other areas, we don’t have enough left over for our dieting efforts which can lead us down a spiral of unhealthy eating patterns. Every day brings with it new opportunities and challenges; learning how to prioritize self-care will help ensure that you have enough energy left over at the end of each day for taking care of yourself nutritionally as well as emotionally.
#3 – Making too many changes
Finally, one of the most common mistakes people make when trying to lose weight is making too many changes at once. This can leave us feeling overwhelmed and discouraged before we even start! Instead of attempting a total overhaul overnight, take things slow by introducing one change at a time until it becomes a habit before moving onto something else. Whether its adding more vegetables or drinking more water each day, making small incremental changes will help ensure that your new habits stick around long term (and won’t feel so overwhelming).
Making lasting lifestyle changes isn’t easy – especially when those changes involve something as personal as food choices – but by avoiding these three common mistakes you’ll be well on your way towards achieving lasting success with your weight loss journey! Remember, progress not perfection should always be your goal and focus on small steps rather than big leaps forward whenever possible – if you do that then success will eventually follow!
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How to decide what workouts you should be doing?
There are SO many moving parts when it comes to deciding what type of workouts you should be doing. The main factors to consider are your goals, where you are in your fitness journey, and the strategy required to get you to where you want to be.
Let’s take a deeper look.
Goals
“Fitness” goals and ability vary DRASTICALLY from one person to the next, and so should the workout style…
You may be working out to improve health markers (lower cholesterol, get type II diabetes under control), to finally get that six-pack, or be anywhere in between. The actual goal doesn’t matter, so long as you know what it is, because different goals typically require entirely different approaches.
Many unproductive dieters can attribute years of failed fat loss attempts to either having no specific goal (i.e. “getting in shape”) or expecting one workout style (i.e. running) to accomplish multiple –often opposing– goals (i.e. lose fat AND gain muscle/build strength AND increase endurance).
If the goal is to get stronger for example, a circuit-heavy routine just won’t cut it. Many people looking to get “toned” would be hard pressed to define muscles they’ve never taken the time to build. Increasing your mileage on the treadmill (or pounding the pavement) may be the absolute best way to increase your endurance for that Rock’n Roll marathon – but could seriously work against your efforts to chisel out that firm, muscular, lean physique you’ve been striving for. Even if your daily run has become a significant part of what keeps you sane – strength/muscle gains (and even fat loss!) will not come from simply doing more of the same, just because you love it.
Understanding the various stages of the journey, and where YOU are in it, is the next critical piece to this puzzle.
Regardless of what inspires you to begin the journey (doctor’s recommendations, desire to change, etc.), a person who has never really worked out before will need an entirely different workout plan than a seasoned veteran.
Beginning stages will consist mainly of learning, experimenting, and focusing on consistency (vs being completely derailed by details that simply don’t matter…yet). Your first year or two of starting a fitness regimen is a great time test out a wide variety of exercise styles, as you’ll likely get the same results regardless of what type of activity you choose – especially in the first six months. Because your body has not yet had time to adapt to your new habit of movement, progress (i.e. “newbie gains”) will come rather easily.
Take FULL advantage of this season of the journey (don’t rush it!), because when it’s over, it’s over.
A year or two into your fitness journey, you will have to start being more systematic in your approach. What “worked” in the beginning stages will slowly stop producing the results that it has been, and progress will come to a screeching halt.
This stage of the journey is where strategy becomes essential.
Strategy
Just as college courses start off general, and become more specific as you close in on your degree – your workouts should become more goal-dependent, and increasingly strategic as your journey progresses.
They key to seeing continual changes to your body (or increasing progress toward whatever YOUR goal is) is to consistently introduce deliberate challenge, rather than seeking THE one-size-fits-all solution.
Notice the keyword: deliberate. This means that each workout session/style/phase builds on the one before it, compounding toward the end goal. This is not the same as randomly changing things up, or “trying something new.” Signing up for random classes at your local gym, gathering free workouts from the internet, or having unwavering devotion to whatever on-demand workout service is currently trending does not guarantee specific “results” any more than signing up for random classes at your local university could guarantee a specific degree.
Without a strategy, even seemingly productive actions can become glorified wheel-spinning, leaving you with little to no progress to show for the time you’ve put in, and putting you no closer to your actual goal than when you first started.
**Side note: Strategy and a systematic approach to your fitness journey isn’t just about ditching the workouts you love to do, while suffering through workouts you may not enjoy, but rather finding a way to incorporate the behaviors your goals require into a lifestyle that still includes the things you do enjoy. **
Bye-bye comfort zone
Once you understand your goal, the strategy that it requires, and where you are on the journey – it’s time to take a long hard look in the mirror. Whether you’re just starting out, or a veteran to working out, know that you will constantly have to challenge yourself in order to keep seeing change. Be patient with yourself, and grateful for ANY results that come as you build consistency in the beginning, yet open-minded and willing to alter the approach as your journey progresses and the newbie gains dwindle.
Ok. It’s officially time to stop avoiding this one. Yeah…I’m talking to YOU.
You’ve tried just counting calories. It didn’t work for long. Now you’re stuck. You have taken your stab at high carb, low carb, paleo, weight watchers, intermittent fasting, clean eating, more cardio, less cardio, more lifting, no lifting…and that was just last month. You have probably tried EVERY trick in the book, but progress is a no-go.
How do I know? Because I am you. Not being the biggest protein fan, I’ve struggled most of my fit-seeking life trying to find any way of eating that would get me results…without having to establish the one habit I needed most: eating enough protein.
Why Protein?
Protein tends to be one of the often ignored elements – the one that most of us have heard about, but keep downplaying. Protein is the cornerstone to the most successful diets, and is one of the most agreed upon proponents of fat loss, muscle gain AND a healthy metabolism. It’s a total no brainer, yet many of us totally dismiss its importance – in our constant pursuit of shiny (and quick!).
Those of us who have accepted it, still shrug off the concept thinking that we probably eat “enough” protein already. Maybe. Maybe not. I fooled myself for years thinking that I was eating enough for my goals…even though hitting 100g on a good day was tough for me. I thought that having some protein at every meal was sufficient. As I hit the research a bit harder, I discovered that despite all that I’d accomplished, I wasn’t even coming close. Finally accepting, and attempting to truly step up my game has been a game changer.
My clients now know that before tackling ANY other area (including lowering cals), they must exhibit the ability to hit their protein goals consistently. I tell them plainly, that if they can’t hit the protein goal eating at maintenance, there’s no way they’ll be able to eat enough with even less calories. Since protein needs increase as calories decrease, skipping this step is devastating to progress.
The 7-Day Protein CHALLENGE
I learned a few tricks along the way, that can help ANY carb queen (or king) become a Macro Master (title claimed by my hubs when I taught him these same tactics). I’ve picked the top seven and turned them into a 7-day challenge that you can do as many times as you like, until the habits form. Habits that will ultimately catapult you to the next level. The challenge also includes a 16-page guide to help you nail your goals any time, anywhere. The goal: to get to the point where you are applying ALL of the tips effortlessly as a part of your new lifestyle.
Eating a higher protein diet is a huge key to the FAT (vs WEIGHT) loss puzzle.
Many of you have already signed up and stepped up to this challenge. The rest of you…what are you waiting for? If you find it impossible to even consider eating 1g per pound of bodyweight (150+ pounds and still struggling to get in 100g? Not gonna work), this challenge is for you.
If you think that you need implement multiple changes, I encourage you to first get yourself to the point where you are hitting your protein goals every week (based on your weekly average) for at least 6-8 weeks straight. Then if you need to change something else, go for it (but keep the protein at that level).
Until then, come join us!
We’ll be using the hashtag #em2wlproteinchallenge to share and hold each other accountable. Come on…you can do anything for 7 days!
Although it’s common at the start of our journey, overcomplicating the process can stop us from progressing at all.
Overcomplicating the Basics
Overcomplicating is a procrastination tool for many of us – a way to avoid doing what we know we should be doing. Although society seems to place entirely too much value on more complicated tools, systems, and tactics for reaching goals, we tend to miss the obvious downside to having such values…
If the process is too confusing, we risk giving up before even starting. We spin our wheels, knowing what needs to be done, but refusing to actually start until we have “all the steps.” The ability to call yourself out when overcomplicating is crucial. In most cases, it’s not a matter of doing everything we need to, it is a matter of doing the first thing we need to do… starting now.
Instead of trying to envision exactly how everything will look when you can execute each step perfectly, put whatever step you CAN do, into action – now.
For instance, many dieters will refuse to begin a workout routine because they have no gym membership. Or they will say a focus on protein is impossible because of their budget. Or that they need to research and read every little detail before knowing what to do.
Stop.
Or rather…START!
Right now. With the information you have. The ability to just BEGIN lies with you. Work with what you have right now, rather than spend another month worrying about every possible piece of the puzzle that you can’t control in this moment. You do not need a gym membership to be active. An extra $100 in your grocery budget to eat more protein is not mandatory. You do not need to read every last article on building muscle. Do not allow analysis paralysis to cripple you from moving forward. Walk in the direction you want to go in, with the info you have in this moment.
Call yourself out when you let too many thoughts take over.
Stop overcomplicating things that don’t need to be complicated.
Concentrate on mastering the basics and being consistent in them. Work on getting your calories up, getting your protein up and moving your body more. Any progress forward in these areas are a projection forward. Increasing protein by just 15 grams a day is progress. Using bodyweight exercises, exercise videos, or get a set of dumbbells/barbells to workout at home until you can get that gym membership. Look for the little things you can add to help propel you forward. The time will pass anyway – so let it pass while you keep moving forward, making each day a success in it’s own right.
Allow yourself to be open to new ideas and new ways of thinking. You do not need to have every little detail worked out before you start. Just Start!
Simplify Your Weight Loss Journey
If your current fitness program does not currently involve heavy resistance training at least 2-3 times a week, it is highly recommended that you start here before adding in cardio or other forms of exercise to accomplish your goals. You will be amazed at the way your body transforms when you consistently hit the weights!
Although it’s common at the start of our journey, overcomplicating the process can stop us from progressing at all.
Right now. With the information you have. The ability to just BEGIN lies with you. Work with what you have right now, rather than spend another month worrying about every possible piece of the puzzle that you can’t control in this moment. You do not need a gym membership to be active. An extra $100 in your grocery budget to eat more protein is not mandatory. You do not need to read every last article on building muscle. Do not allow analysis paralysis to cripple you from moving forward. Walk in the direction you want to go in, with the info you have in this moment.
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