Last week we discussed the biggest lies that you’ll tell yourself before starting a new diet plan, and the reality check required to begin your journey on the right (and successful!) foot. But the mental struggle doesn’t stop there. Many of us start out on our journey fully prepared for the fact that we have some major changes to do, one habit at a time, and that we need to give ourselves enough time for these changes to take affect. But as we head deeper into that journey, a whole new set of lies erupt. We began to question everything that we stood so firm on in the beginning — often start searching for shortcuts and detours — leading to shiny diet syndrome.
Whether you’re a vet, or just getting started down this scary, awesome, life-changing, fulfilling, and totally nerve-wrecking path, the mental journey is the same. At some point in your walk, you’ll find that inevitably, certain thoughts creep in. Resist the urge to give in to the lies, which ultimately leads to giving up, by arming yourself with truth.
LIE:It shouldn’t be this hard.
TRUTH: This is a setup for failure.
Telling yourself this lie means that the second it does get hard – you stop trying, and look for something easier (read: quick fix). Since quick-fixes probably lead you to where you were when you started down this path (read: spinning wheels), you already know that easy isn’t worth it. When you’re trying to hit any goal, there is going to be work involved. While you want to make sure that your diet has you written all over it, and that it’s easiER than the unrealistic thing that you quit doing – don’t fall for the lure of thinking that achieving your goals should in some way be effortless. Take the steps to make it as effortless as possible, but give yourself realistic time frames and expectations for achieving your goals.
To combat the lure of fads, Jenny reminded herself that she was “hungry, worn out, and irritable all the time” on low cal diets.
LIE: It’s easier for others
TRUTH: It’s not.
At some point in the journey, you’re going to look around and play the woe is me card (see below). Along with this comes the belief of all martyrs…that “everyone else” is seeing progress faster than — or accomplishing what you want — with much less effort than you.
Wrong.
This plays right into the “it shouldn’t be this hard” mentality, and trust that believing either lie will get you nowhere. Social (and traditional forms of ) media can make ANYthing appear to have happened overnight, or with little effort. Most of us aren’t sitting around capturing our “bad” days on film for all the world to see. But when we have success, we want to share it with the world. Don’t get so caught up in the pics that you tell yourself that you’re the ONLY one that success takes time for. And remember that one day, YOUR picture will be the one that is tempting someone else to think the very same thing.
LIE: No one has my circumstances (aka “woe is me”)
TRUTH: Somewhere, someone with your EXACT circumstances is killing it.
“Woe is me,” is not helping you. In fact, once you even start entertaining this thought, you take your eyes off of your own goal. Telling yourself that everyone one other than you has perfect circumstances, will have you spinning your wheels in jealousy, rather than progressively taking steps forward. Let’s be honest, there’s nothing like good ol’ discouragement and hopelessness to cause you to give up on your journey (or never start in the first place).
Even if you have unique circumstances, few of us are that special that NO one in the whole earth deals with the same set of circumstances. Somewhere, someone is dealing with the exact same circumstance as you, and winning (even if its a version of winning that you haven’t imagined). I have dealt with health problems my entire life. As easy as it would be to throw my hands up in the air because some random person that I “know” on Instagram is seeing progress faster than I am, I double tap (or unfollow, if it bugs me that much), and keep it moving.
Keeping it real…it sucks. And yes, I may have to make more adjustments, or push harder/rest more, etc., than “everyone else” – but it’s not an excuse to quit. And I am NOT a special snowflake.
Work with what ya got. Find peeps that motivate you because they fought for what they have. Kill it in a way that only you can.
LIE: It wasn’t this hard before
TRUTH: Avoid over-romanticizing your old ways, and see them for what they really were
Before…what? Were the circumstances different then? Was it hard under the circumstances? If not…could the lack of effort required/lessons learned be the reason why you weren’t able to sustain the “success?” Or could the fact that before is referring to several diets ago be the reason that it’s so hard now? Excessive dieting primes your body for fat gain, a lowered metabolism, adrenal fatigue, and thyroid issues (to name a few!). So if this is your 10th diet, expect it to be harder than the first. It may not seem fair…but then again, neither is the unnecessary damage that most of us got away with for years before our bodies finally said “enough!” So if your body is finally calling your bluff, it’s time to pay the piper and put in the work that should have been put in all those not-so-hard times around the block.
The struggle is real. After over a year of EM2WL, Becca was tempted to speed things up by dropping cals. Check out how she bounced back, changed her focus, and conquered above and beyond her fat loss goals.
Also ask yourself if you’re looking back through rose-colored lenses, and not remembering certain things that happened before. Many of us decide to tackle this new lifestyle starved, with no energy, foggy brain, brittle hair/nails, constantly freezing, and gaining weight like it’s going out of style (WHILE. ON. A. DIET.), among other things. But oh how quickly we lay that version of “before” aside the second that we hear about our cousins-sisters-baby mama who’s just lost 100 pounds on the latest “eat-all-the-celery you-want” diet.
Ummmm…no thanks.
Whenever tempted to think about how easy things used to be, remind yourself that the easier road didn’t fix the problem (hence the current predicament) — and don’t over-romanticize. LIE: It’s taking too long
TRUTH: Paying our debts is individual. Progress is a result of physical AND mental health.
How long did it take you to get where you are now? Are you (unrealistically) expecting it to take only a fraction of the time to get out of it? If you dig a hole of debt, it’s not easily undone. Many of us are so indebted to our bodies for all that they’ve brought us through, and under the most harsh circumstances at that. Why do we jump into a journey of healing, or decision of better self-care, and then get upset at our bodies for not “snapping out of it” quick enough?
Imagine a person treating you with the same disrespect, followed by impatience/annoyance at your inability to just go back to the way things were. In their mind, enough time has passed, that you should be “over it” and trust them again. Some nerve! You know, that even if you choose to forgive them, trust is earned…not given. And the more times they’ve walked all over you, the longer you’ll have your guard up.
Why do we fail to see that our body is the party that has been wronged in this trial? We must give our body the respect that it needs, and the individual timeline that it requires to trust us again. The time will pass anyway, so don’t lose focus (or kill the trust factor…again) by chasing down quick-fixes.
What you learn about yourself in the process, is usually more important than the actual final result. Are you impatient? Waiting on perfection? Fostering feelings of self-hatred? Looking for outward things to solve an internal problem? Use the time that you’re waiting, to deal with things that focusing on weight loss may be over-shadowing (perhaps purposely). Face who you really are, under the skin, muscle, fat, and bones…and make sure she’s someone you actually like when it’s all said and done.
Because who you are, follows you wherever you go.
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The latest word on the street is that now a whopping 92% of people do NOT accomplish the goals (read: resolutions) that they set in Jan. I’ve been quoting 85% (the last touted statistic) for years, but now it’s really time to stand up and take notice. Let me restate that in case there’s any misunderstanding: New Year’s resolutions (and almost any goal set nowadays) are nearly guaranteed to fail! What the?!?
I pray that this upsets you as much as it does me. Especially if you’re one of many that finds yourself setting the same goals – over. and. over.
It’s time to stop believing the myth of just setting intentions out into the atmosphere, and wishing on a star that they’ll come true. We are missing the mark in goal setting. If we ever hope to change that path, we must first shut the door on the lies we tell ourselves about the process of success and achieving. Beware of jumping into goals -especially weight loss – without being mentally prepared.
Taking a moment to mentally make sure that you have what it takes before you start, is critical to when and where you end.
Ready for a reality check?
The lie: Things are going to be different this time.
Reality check: How? Are you putting steps into place to make sure of this?
It’s very easy for us to spout off, in a moment of determination, “This time…is going to be different!” – yet approach it in the exact same way as before. #fail
While the origin of this thought is dead on (we MUST do things differently, in order to achieve a different result), the action required is left hanging in the balance. In order for this time to be different than last, you need an action plan – not just a random diet plan. Brainstorm in advance ideas for how to make this time different (ditching fads, working out consistently, lifting weights, hitting macros, etc). Then break those ideas into baby steps that you can actually do one.at.a.time until they are second nature (daily walk, more protein at breakfast, higher fiber at lunch, etc). This is especially important to understand if you typically dive in headfirst to new changes, but fizzle out quickly.
Have a plan of attack to make this your best year yet, and rock out the results of this change permanently.
The lie: I got this… just gotta stick it out this time.
Reality check: If it requires too much willpower, it won’t work long term.
Thinking that you can just white knuckle your way into change is a recipe for disaster. Willpower is not an unlimited resource that you just have to “try harder” with. You only have ONE willpower reserve, so use it wisely, and have a plan for when it runs out. This means that if you have a fairly stressful life, you should NOT attempt to change your entire diet, quit smoking, start exercising, and organize your life — all at the same time. Something’s gotta give, and trust that it will.
So you may find yourself eating “perfectly” all day/week, then binging on nights/weekends. Willpower will eventually run out, so a diet setup with willpower as the primary success component will fail. Period. Adherence is the number one predictor of success. So an imperfect diet that you can consistently stick to, will always trump the perfect diet that you don’t.
Reality check: Think long term. Don’t change things that you can’t/don’t plan on sticking to for the long haul.
Allow me to state the obvious: If you only plan on applying something short term, then short term results are inevitable. If you’re going into a style of eating, imagining the day that you’ll go back to your old way of eating once it’s “over”…then you’re not making a lifestyle change. If you are dreaming of the day that you can eat donuts/chocolate/chips, etc. again, you’re doing it wrong. Find ways to incorporate those dreams items along the way. (Trust me, it’s possible!). Your way of eating should be set up so that you don’t have brief streaks of perfection, followed by the all-too-predictable nosedive.
If you don’t have enough room in your diet for a planned daily indulgence (or two), then it’s extremely likely that you’re being too strict, or are not eating enough for sustainable fat loss.
In order to finish strong, we must start with the right mindset. In part two of this series, we’ll address the lies that we tell ourselves along the way, and how approach (and survive!) the speed bumps, potholes, and detours of this journey.
No more lies, fam – lets do this!
~Kiki
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A huge key to success is properly framing your goals.
State your goals in a positive manner rather than a negative one. So, instead of listing all the things you’re going to give up (i.e. stop eating processed food), list the things you will gain (i.e. eating more whole foods). Believe it or not, re-framing your goals in the positive can help to remove mental blocks and get you closer to your goal. After all, no one wants to be restricted from doing something.
In our last post in the goal setting series, Trish talked about setting behavior-based versus outcome-based goals. To recap, setting behavior-based goals are specific, measurable actions that you can take to accommodate the results you desire. For example, instead of saying, “I want to lose 5 pounds this month,” you might say, “I will log my food to make sure I nail my macros.”
Today let’s talk about how you frame your goals. It may seem like a silly technicality, but whether we approach our goals in a negative or positive light will make a huge difference in how we approach this journey.
If you begin your journey with a list of things you must not do or must not eat, your fitness life can seem like a very negative and punishing place, full of restrictions. Who wants to live like that? The more that you tell yourself you can’t (or must not, under any circumstances, WHATSOEVER!!!!!!) have something, the more you tend to want it. It is simply human nature to want that which is forbidden.
Think about it. If you’ve ever dieted, you can probably relate to this scenario. You determine you are going to cut out every bit of added sugar to your diet. What happens the first time you have a little slip-up and allow yourself a piece of candy? Are you able to stop at just one, or are you compelled to finish the whole bag to get that pesky craving “out of your system?”
Instead of thinking about the behaviors that you need to stop, or do less of, what behaviors do you need to begin or do more of to accomplish your goals?
Increasing the frequency of healthy, goal-oriented behaviors will automatically crowd out the unhealthy, goal-sabotaging behaviors.
For example, instead of telling yourself that you need to eat less junk food, perhaps you could challenge yourself to try out some healthy alternatives to your family’s favorite fast food meals. Think about challenging yourself to incorporate one new healthy habit each month until they become second nature.
Even if your body is adequately nourished with a proper number of calories, impeccable macros, and sufficiently hydrated, you may feel mentally restricted if you are still telling yourself there are foods you cannot eat. Make sure that you plan to incorporate some of your favorite treats along the way as you progress towards your goals. Unless you have an actual physical intolerance to a certain food, there is no reason why most foods cannot be part of your healthy eating plan, regardless if your goal is to lose fat, gain muscle, or work on body recomposition.
This approach can be applied to your fitness goals as well. Instead of thinking, “I need to tighten up these flabby thighs,” focus on the changes you need to make to see the results you crave. Instead, you might focus on adding 25 pounds to your squat or improving your 5k time. Focusing on becoming a stronger individual in the gym will most likely lead to positive changes in your body. However, prioritizing strength and athleticism over physical appearance puts the control in your hands, and you will get to experience the empowerment and satisfaction of setting new PRs and watching yourself become stronger each day!
Enjoy the road ahead! Be kind to yourself as you work towards your 2014 goals. This journey is challenging enough without adding negativity and self-hate.
Keep your eyes fixed on your goals, and enjoy every moment and the lessons you will learn along the way. Here’s to your best year yet!
New to EM2WL?
Grab our FREE quick start guide!
Are you curious about how the process works, or wondering what's in our Starter Kit E-Book? START HERE. We'll send you a free breakdown of the basics, exclusive videos explaining why everything that you've learned about diets have only led you astray, and an action plan to take your life back immediately.
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Photo credit: jscreationz, ambro, David Costillo Dominci, annankkml of freedigitalimages.net
Becca is a busy wife and homeschooling mother to five children ages 5 to 13. About three years ago, she embarked on a journey to health and fitness that resulted in the loss of approximately 100 pounds. Today, she is a competitive powerlifter and strongwoman who loves ice cream and deadlifts. As an ISSA certified personal trainer, she is passionate about helping women to get started on a lifestyle of strength and fitness.
Last week we discussed the biggest lies that you’ll tell yourself before starting a new diet plan, and the reality check required to begin your journey on the right (and successful!) foot. But the mental struggle doesn’t stop there. Many of us start out on our journey fully prepared for the fact that we have some major changes to do, one habit at a time, and that we need to give ourselves enough time for these changes to take affect. But as we head deeper into that journey, a whole new set of lies erupt. We began to question everything that we stood so firm on in the beginning — often start searching for shortcuts and detours — leading to shiny diet syndrome.
Even if you have unique circumstances, few of us are that special that NO one in the whole earth deals with the same set of circumstances. Somewhere, someone is dealing with the exact same circumstance as you, and winning (even if its a version of winning that you haven’t imagined). I have dealt with health problems my entire life. As easy as it would be to throw my hands up in the air because some random person that I “know” on Instagram is seeing progress faster than I am, I double tap (or unfollow, if it bugs me that much), and keep it moving.
Imagine a person treating you with the same disrespect, followed by impatience/annoyance at your inability to just go back to the way things were. In their mind, enough time has passed, that you should be “over it” and trust them again. Some nerve! You know, that even if you choose to forgive them, trust is earned…not given. And the more times they’ve walked all over you, the longer you’ll have your guard up.
The lie: Things are going to be different this time.
The lie: I’ll just try it for a while.
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