Finally letting go feeling free.
I have been around the EM2WL group for two and a half years now. My journey has been a very long road, filled with dozens of ups and downs, frustrations, anger, tears and joy. It has not been an easy road and I have almost walked away from it a few times..
But I knew that wasn't going to help me. I knew the answer to my eventual success at sustaining fat loss was with EM2WL. I just couldn't understand why my journey has not been a tremendous success as many of the other stories you read on here. I did everything I was supposed to. I did the metabolism reset, I did the 10% cut, I did TDEE breaks, I worked hard at keeping my diary clean but still enjoying myself. I hit the weights hard, I gave up on most of my cardio activities. Yet, the scale wasn't budging a single pound. My inches didn't seem to be changing much either. All I seemed to be doing was spinning my heels, getting frustrated and angry at myself and at those who were helping me and not being able to let go. I was told to ditch the scale. I was told to relax, and focus on something else. I was told to trust the process and believe in Myself.
Two long years of not listening. Two years of spinning wheels, self doubt and hatred, two years of crying almost daily about how nothing was happening and how I was still not seeing any sort of losses.
It was exhausting. It was debilitating. It was not how I wanted to spend the rest of my life, constantly angry and upset over not being a size “Average”, not enjoying myself or my family.
So I finally decided to listen. Really listen. And that meant the first thing I did was throw my scale away.
It took about two weeks to get over the urge to jump on the scale every morning and see if anything was happening. I was finally starting to see that my happiness that day was not decided by what a number on the scale said. Another stressor for me was tracking. I had been tracking my food intake for virtually 15 years with Weight Watchers and with MFP. I needed to let it go and try on my own for a while. I didn't want to stress over numbers anymore. I wanted to enjoy my life and try to find a healthy balance. It was then that I realized what stress had been doing to me.
Once I eliminated two major stressors for me, I was starting to see a shift in my head towards this whole process. I was able to finally “trust the process” and really focus on what my end result wanted to be. I wanted fat loss, not a number on a scale. I wanted strength gains in the gym, not to be the gym cardio bunny. I wanted to be able to go out to dinner and not worry about how many calories or fat or carbs was in something. Above all, I was able to start loving myself. I was sleeping again, I was taking time out to do things for myself, I could feel a light in my heart again. Even friends were commenting on how happy I had seemed lately.
I had finally let go.
Its been 5 months since I stepped foot on a scale. I have no idea what my weight is, nor do I care. I track sporadically and this of course is still a huge work in progress, but I feel much more comfortable about my eating now than I did three years ago. I'm still working on calorie increases and keeping my macros in check. I'm not perfect, but I'm still learning.
This past 5 months has been a huge mental shift. And its one that has finally let me see the big picture and not focus on short term issues. I now know the scale is a hindrance to my success. I don't need that in my life anymore. I have learned to accept who I am and not dwell on what I look like. I may not be anywhere near my end goal right now, but I am finally in the right mindset and the (physical) shifts are finally happening! Not everyone can figure this out right from the start. So if this sounds like you, let me be the one to tell you, Stick with it. Let go of the scale, learn to love yourself for YOU and trust the process.
The time is going to pass anyways, you might as well enjoy it rather than hating it.
Awesome work, Kelly! So proud of you.