Let me tell you a story. A long time ago, a baby elephant was born in captivity. While he was very little, his handlers used a chain to tie his leg to the ground. The little elephant pulled and pulled trying to get free, but it never worked. Now that the elephant is full grown, the same chain is keeping him in place even though he could easily break it. This phenomenon is called learned helplessness.
Learned Helplessness is the condition of a human or animal that has learned to behave helplessly, failing to respond even though there are opportunities for it to help itself by avoiding unpleasant circumstances or by gaining positive rewards. Learned Helplessness theory is the view that clinical depression and related mental illnesses may result from a perceived absence of control over the outcome of a situation. Organisms that have been ineffective and less sensitive in determining the consequences of their behavior are defined as having acquired Learned Helplessness.
All that is very interesting but why is it posted on a fitness site? Because how many time do we see a forum thread about someone not doing what they need to do in order to take control of their weight and health. So many of us tried and failed at this…I am sure we all have a story about using this diet or that diet and failing, or succeeding and then gaining it all back. The worst is that when we fail, we feel it is our fault. Not the fact that the diet is so low in calories that you will binge, or making it so restrictive that you freak out at the idea of a family Sunday diner, or fearing whole group of food or nutrients.
So we fail, and we fail, and we fail…we end up fatter than ever believing that it is our fault. We’ve tugged and tugged at this d**n chain and some of us end up thinking that we can’t win at this. Heck how many time do we see in the success story that “I was not even sure I could do it?”
For some, sadly it is not even worth it to try. For the others, those who go to MFP and log more than a month, you may doubt your ability to do lose the weight. To do the “right” thing, to exercise even though you were always the last picked in gym class. It is very hard to be successful if you have no faith in your capacities.
Those who are successful usually will tell you to eat enough, to not sweat that nice birthday diner, not to be scared of that bowl of ice cream that you can fit in you calories allowance. That you do not have to run for hours to see results and they are giving you this advice for free…quite different from the “diet industry” no?
I know that it is so different and might be scary…but my question to you is, will you pull on that chain? The chain of the diet industry: those who want to sell you books, or a program, or this cleanse, or that pre-packaged food…those persons and companies like you helpless. Otherwise, how can they tell you what to do for a price? Tugging on that chain is taking everything you think is true and researching the other side of the story. You might confirmed what you were thinking…or not. Take the power, believe that you do have that power.
TL:DR you are more powerful and able that you think. Question everything you think you know.
I felt inspired to guest blog after reading a post from Kiki on the EM2WL Facebook page last week. The subject was the scale, goal weight and BMI charts. The overall question was: what if I’m at the size I want and feel good at, but I’m still not at a “healthy weight” per the BMI chart and geez! What will my doctor say?
My comment was: My doctor doesn’t live MY life. Or yours. We see our docs, on average, once a year. I live my life for me. My doc is someone I HIRE to assist me in monitoring my health. Body fat lower, LBM higher. Check! BP in range. Check! Lipids in optimal range. Check check! Blood Glucose good. Check! Active lifestyle! Check! Healthy food choices. Check! Looking and feeling in my 30s when I’m kissing 50. Double check! Rockin size 8 jeans with a firm bod that can do what I need it to do functionally and turn heads of 30 yr olds? Triple check. BMI chart says I’m obese? okie dokie. Being 238 lbs. and couldn’t check off many of those checks 2 years ago while hoping to squeeze into size 18s? FAIL. Will take my new lifestyle, my new health, my new rockin bod and will use the BMI chart as a nifty guide for the average person. I don’t strive to be AVERAGE. Do you?? I go for BAMtastic!
To take this thought a bit further, what is your GOAL? What is healthy to you? I challenge you. It can’t simply be a NUMBER. What is it? The scale is something that is very traditionally used to measure our bodies and gauge “healthy.” I certainly know I grew up with the scale as something I dreaded, feared and loathed. Looking back, I know it held me hostage in many ways. If I didn’t see a number on it that was “acceptable”, it discouraged me and was actually a roadblock. Some years I didn’t adhere to my preventative health exams because, straight up – I didn’t want to be weighed and be judged. As I’ve educated myself more, and yes, gotten a bit wiser with age – I now understand that body weight and body composition are two very different things. I didn’t know a thing about the concept of body composition and certainly didn’t have any idea how to get there. All I knew was: I wanted to weigh 145 pounds. I wanted that because it was a weight that was at the upper end of the BMI chart for my height. It was a number that sounded acceptable, sounded not FAT. In my adult life, I achieved it once. I weighed 135 pounds for about 45 minutes when I was 17. Closest I came after that was 160-165. I do remember that I wore size 10 jeans when I was 135 and size 12 when I was in the 160s. The 160s weight lasted for about a year in the 1990s. By 1998, I was at my highest weight (238) and I basically stayed there until 2011. I had short episodes of weight loss during 2001 – 2011, but always ended back up at 238.
Body composition. I finally GOT IT. Obesity is the condition of having more subcutaneous fat than lean body mass. Obesity. Too much fat. Not enough lean body mass. Chronic health conditions such as Type 2 diabetes and cardiovascular disease are strongly correlated with obesity. Having too much FAT. More fat than lean body mass. It’s not just about how you look. It’s about health. Health is more than a number on a scale. It’s about your body composition. It’s about what you eat, and it’s about your activity level. It’s about how you feel – inside and out. It took me years of struggling and many many hours, days, weeks, and months of studying, reading and doing to finally have it CLICK. It took me finally picking up a barbell at age 47 and eating for health, eating to fuel my workouts, eating and working out to make me feel less stressed, more energized for it all to come together. Seeing with my own eyes what I’ve accomplished. I’m NOT a special snowflake. I’m a REAL woman who is knocking on the door of 50. A real woman who has been fat most of her life. I’m now very passionate about educating others. Sharing my story. Sharing what I’ve learned and continue to learn about our bodies. Sharing to perhaps spare others from some of the angst I’ve had in battling the scale, my fat, my relationship with food.
I’m happier and feel better about my body than I ever have. I’m SMALLER than I’ve ever been. I feel TOTALLY in control of my eating and my weight. I’m still tweaking my body composition. At this stage of the game (and yes, it’s a game, it’s a journey) it is more important for me to maintain my weight and my body composition than to aggressively chase after a lower weight and lower body fat percentage. To chase after it “just because.” Aggressively chasing a lower number on the scale, the measuring tape or the calipers would jeopardize, for me, my progress. I’m extremely happy where I am. I’m competitive with myself, so yes, I want more. More definition. More sleekness. I will have it. I will have it by continuing to eat well and train for body composition and always with my eye on overall health. That includes my emotional health and my enjoyment of LIFE.
I’ll share a picture of me at my highest weight and a picture of me that I took a couple of weeks ago. 56 lbs. separates the two versions of Jen. Body composition is the difference maker. I wear size 8 jeans and medium tops. Oh. The BMI chart? I’m right on the edge of overweight and obese on the chart. I don’t think most folks would immediately think OBESE when they meet me. STILL … It nags at that competitive side of me. I want to have that “perfect” score, that A+. Unless I fall victim to some horrendous wasting disease, I won’t be getting that “perfect” BMI chart score. And you know what? I’m OK with that. What flipped that switch for me is this: I like my body, I like what I see in the mirror and how I feel every day. If I’d step on the scale and see 145 I’d be all giddy. Nothing would have changed expect that NUMBER. Why let the NUMBER I do see take that away from me? I refuse to let it. I will still be striving for my very best. My BAMtastic.
I stumbled upon EM2WL about a year ago when I began having issues with hypoglycemia (low blood sugar/non-diabetic) when I was trying to find the best way to avoid the low blood sugar episodes but hopefully still lose weight. When I first started reading all of the EM2WL info I was reluctant like most but I’ve been reading about health, nutrition, and fitness for years because I truly love learning about it so the principles with EM2WL all made perfect sense to me and the fact that I wouldn’t be starving was a bonus! I have literally tried everything since I became overweight at the age of 9, diet pills (as early as age 11), meal replacement shakes, Nutrisystem (age 12), Weight Watchers (about 15 times, age 15-36), every workout craze, even HCG injections (two separate times in 2011) combined with the crazy 500 calorie diet that goes with it. I’d even burn mega calories and log every food I ate creating 1,000+ calorie deficit each day and get pissed off a few weeks later when I lost nothing then go splurge and give up.
Yes… I had a horrible track record for that..not getting the results I wanted so I’d get mad say screw it and go to McD’s for a big mac, fries and DIET coke (of course..lol) followed by ice cream! Little did I realize I was destroying my body as well as my mental well being by the horrible drastic actions I was putting myself through. I may have still been beating myself up that way had I not started having issues with hypoglycemia, but because of it I HAD to change my ways. I can’t go without eating every 2-3 hours and I have to eat good carbs with protein and fats or my blood sugar levels drop a few hours after eating and I get to where I feel as if I’ll pass out. So now I eat the best I can to avoid it which means I’m eating MORE because I’m eating 6-7 times each day and I’m eating MORE because I’m eating better foods that are more nutrient dense and offer my body better fuel than that big mac and fries I used to eat. My body forced me to eat better, and now that I’m nicer to my body its finally being nicer to me! Since September 2012 I’ve lost 11 pounds most of which was done with 1800+ calories a day and very moderate exercise.
My TDEE is only 1,816 with the very light activity I do because unfortunately the hypoglycemia has given me some anxiety especially when it comes to working out. I am however working on that and am starting to get back into working out since I do LOVE lifting HEAVY! When that happens I will up my calories accordingly. Over the past few months I did an unintentional reset eating at 2000+ where I maintained my weight but in the last two weeks dropped a little more scale weight but I’ve been losing inches as well, (about 15″ total) feeling trimmer and fitting into clothes that were too tight. I guess my body finally realizes I’m done abusing it and its willing to let go of the stubborn fat.
My best NSV recently: a couple months ago the hubby and I went dress shopping for a big event and I tried on several dresses surprisingly I wasn’t critical of myself! No I actually thought “wow! I look good” in almost every single dress! The only ones I didn’t like it was because of the dress itself not my body. I used to try on 50 dresses and leave with 0..this time I tried on 7 and bought 2…I only need 1..lol! But my hubby said they looked so good he wanted me to get both (he actually wanted me to buy 3). The next day he even text me and said “I hope you know how stunning you looked in those dresses yesterday” talk about making my day!!!
EM2WL is really a life that I can and will live! It’s not some crazy, drastic, unhealthy quick fix that helps me lose a few only to gain 10! I’ve always loved food, couldn’t stand eating 1,200 calories a day and going to bed with my tummy growling and now I realize I don’t have to!Now I can eat foods that fuel my body and look “stunning” while eating!!!
Love, Love, Love EM2WL!!!!
Share your success, no matter how large or small. You never know who you may inspire to hang on just a bit longer. We love featuring results and journey stories in REAL time, not just before/afters. If you have a victory (scale or not) let us know and allow us to share with the fam, by submitting to success@EM2WL.com
Recently I went on a girl’s overnight backpacking trip in the mountains. Well, my weekend did not go as planned…but it was a reminder of how much EM2WL has improved how I think about weight, fitness and my fitness goals.
I went hiking with two friends. My specific goal focused training this summer paid off in spades…
I was able to do the hike with ease. I was even running hills and jumping logs with my 35lb pack on all through it. I had a little DOMS in my calves the next morning but that’s about it. My other friends had a little more trouble. One of them hadn’t trained or exercised as much as she usually does and found that her quads, glutes, and hip flexors were pretty sore and she had to push through the hills (but she’s still in pretty good shape and was doing just fine). However, my skinny friend who doesn’t exercise regularly and thinks cutting out carbs is a good way to drop weight, started having trouble within the first km of easy hiking. Her toes cramped, she was winded, needed breaks on any little hill. When we got to a bigger hill, she could only go about 10-15 steps before doubling over on her pole to rest. By the time we got to 10km we were moving at a pace of 0.2km per half hour because she had to stop so often and couldn’t move fast (she was completely exhausted). And this was on a long, rather flat section.
Needless to say, we did not get to our destination. We stopped and camped for the night, got her back down the mountain. The next day, we settled her into a campsite and my other friend and I went on a 12+ km day hike along a rocky river bed/canyon. All together I hiked 32+ km up and down the mountains in 2 days with my fitter friend. I am the most overweight person of my 2 friends. I am about 25lbs OVER my goal weight since doing my reset, but I trained and ate for what I wanted to do, not to lose ‘x’ amount of lbs and it paid off…plus, the weight/fat is still dropping slowly (12lbs lost over the summer training).
Pick fitness goals, not a weight goal…If you chose a weight goal as your focus, you might not reach a fitness goal, but if you pick a fitness goal as your focus, the weight just kinda falls off too!!
Share your success, no matter how large or small. You never know who you may inspire to hang on just a bit longer. We love featuring results and journey stories in REAL time, not just before/afters. If you have a victory (scale or not) let us know and allow us to share with the fam, by submitting to success@EM2WL.com
Q: Confession…I don’t want to go to my sister’s wedding because of my weight. Nothing looks good on me! My sister even gave me a diet that she lost a bunch of weight in two weeks (like 600-900 cal a day!). That was a month ago and I’m going to see her next week! I’m thinking of telling her that if I don’t feel comfortable by then, I’m not going to her wedding!?! I have a very critical family!! I hate being the fat kid of the family!! Like they always tell me “I have a pretty face but…”
Everybody tells me that I should love me the way I look BUT I CAN’T!!!!! These people are the same type that look at you up and down all night long!!!
A: You should absolutely go to your sister’s wedding! NO matter what! Find the perfect dress for YOU, and wear it with pride and confidence. That is more than half the battle.
Remember that there’s nothing wrong with wanting to make improvements, but if you can’t love yourself the way you are now, that will not change when you get to your goal size. Trust me on that one. Self acceptance is key. I learned (am learning) the hard way. Our way of thinking doesn’t change no matter what size we are.
I’ll match your confession, with a confession:
I’ve dealt with the issues that you’re talking about at EVERY size.
Even now I still have to battle these things. I don’t know if you watched my recent vid (or saw the tell all pics) about all that stress weight that I gained?
What I didn’t mention is that I also had to attend my own sister’s wedding during that time! I was 6 sizes larger than normal, and couldn’t even fit the dress that I’d brought to wear!!!
How devastating! I had to go out (just a couple days before the wedding) and buy a dress. A MUCH bigger size dress. Pretty humiliating.
Last minute dress shopping – I quickly discovered that this style of dress best hid my “flaws”
But guess what? I made the choice to buy a dress that fit me and complimented me well and to rock it with as much confidence as I could muster…in other words “fake it til you make it” LOL
And guess what…because I was confident, it spread. People complimented me, and said how much they loved the dress, and my husband kept telling me how great I looked. None of the scenarios I’d dreamed up in my head just days before even came close to happening. NO ONE asked “hey what size is that dress?” or “I thought you were a personal trainer, how did you get so fat, so fast?!”
They may have thought it…I don’t know…but really, who cares? I had a blast, and was there to support my sister. (The day wasn’t about me after all, who knew?!)
It’s now almost 3 months later, and I’m back down in sizes again. I also have an anniversary trip coming up that I’ve been looking forward to all year.
The day of the wedding
I’ve been planning on going shopping forever to get some cute little items for the trip, but do you know what’s been holding me back?
Thinking that I’m still not small enough yet. Dreading wearing a bathing suit, or having to buy clothes in certain sizes…
EVEN THOUGH I’ve lost all that stress weight, those SAME thoughts still come. 3 months ago, I’d have given anything to be this size, and now…I’m STILL self conscious about a bathing suit, lol…in front of the man who married me 12 years ago!! (To be fair, I’ve always been like that – even got down to size 0 and didn’t want to rock a bikini because my stomach wasn’t flat ENOUGH…drove hubs crazy!)
But I will fight through these thoughts, just like I did at the wedding, go shopping, find things that make me look great right.now.
And so will you.
Finding clothes that flatter me, no matter WHAT size, is always my cure all.
Stay strong on your path to self acceptance, because your sister (forgive me for saying) will have regained that weight 2-3xs by the time you reach your goal, and then YOU’LL be handing off your “secrets” to her.
Trust me on that one.
Stay strong, girl. And know that I understand. We all have those thoughts.
And don’t ever be afraid or sorry to reach out. I’m always here.
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