Q: Confession…I don't want to go to my sister's wedding because of my weight. Nothing looks good on me! My sister even gave me a diet that she lost a bunch of weight in two weeks (like 600-900 cal a day!). That was a month ago and I'm going to see her next week! I'm thinking of telling her that if I don't feel comfortable by then, I'm not going to her wedding!?! I have a very critical family!! I hate being the fat kid of the family!! Like they always tell me “I have a pretty face but…”
Everybody tells me that I should love me the way I look BUT I CAN'T!!!!! These people are the same type that look at you up and down all night long!!!
A: You should absolutely go to your sister's wedding! NO matter what! Find the perfect dress for YOU, and wear it with pride and confidence. That is more than half the battle.
Remember that there's nothing wrong with wanting to make improvements, but if you can't love yourself the way you are now, that will not change when you get to your goal size. Trust me on that one. Self acceptance is key. I learned (am learning) the hard way. Our way of thinking doesn't change no matter what size we are.
I'll match your confession, with a confession:
I've dealt with the issues that you're talking about at EVERY size.
Even now I still have to battle these things. I don't know if you watched my recent vid (or saw the tell all pics) about all that stress weight that I gained?
What I didn't mention is that I also had to attend my own sister's wedding during that time! I was 6 sizes larger than normal, and couldn't even fit the dress that I'd brought to wear!!!
How devastating! I had to go out (just a couple days before the wedding) and buy a dress. A MUCH bigger size dress. Pretty humiliating.
But guess what? I made the choice to buy a dress that fit me and complimented me well and to rock it with as much confidence as I could muster…in other words “fake it til you make it” LOL
And guess what…because I was confident, it spread. People complimented me, and said how much they loved the dress, and my husband kept telling me how great I looked. None of the scenarios I'd dreamed up in my head just days before even came close to happening. NO ONE asked “hey what size is that dress?” or “I thought you were a personal trainer, how did you get so fat, so fast?!”
They may have thought it…I don't know…but really, who cares? I had a blast, and was there to support my sister. (The day wasn't about me after all, who knew?!)
It's now almost 3 months later, and I'm back down in sizes again. I also have an anniversary trip coming up that I've been looking forward to all year.
I've been planning on going shopping forever to get some cute little items for the trip, but do you know what's been holding me back?
Thinking that I'm still not small enough yet. Dreading wearing a bathing suit, or having to buy clothes in certain sizes…
EVEN THOUGH I've lost all that stress weight, those SAME thoughts still come. 3 months ago, I'd have given anything to be this size, and now…I'm STILL self conscious about a bathing suit, lol…in front of the man who married me 12 years ago!! (To be fair, I've always been like that – even got down to size 0 and didn't want to rock a bikini because my stomach wasn't flat ENOUGH…drove hubs crazy!)
But I will fight through these thoughts, just like I did at the wedding, go shopping, find things that make me look great right.now.
And so will you.
Finding clothes that flatter me, no matter WHAT size, is always my cure all.
Stay strong on your path to self acceptance, because your sister (forgive me for saying) will have regained that weight 2-3xs by the time you reach your goal, and then YOU'LL be handing off your “secrets” to her.
Trust me on that one.
Stay strong, girl. And know that I understand. We all have those thoughts.
And don't ever be afraid or sorry to reach out. I'm always here.