Recently I went on a girl’s overnight backpacking trip in the mountains. Well, my weekend did not go as planned…but it was a reminder of how much EM2WL has improved how I think about weight, fitness and my fitness goals.
I went hiking with two friends. My specific goal focused training this summer paid off in spades…
I was able to do the hike with ease. I was even running hills and jumping logs with my 35lb pack on all through it. I had a little DOMS in my calves the next morning but that’s about it. My other friends had a little more trouble. One of them hadn’t trained or exercised as much as she usually does and found that her quads, glutes, and hip flexors were pretty sore and she had to push through the hills (but she’s still in pretty good shape and was doing just fine). However, my skinny friend who doesn’t exercise regularly and thinks cutting out carbs is a good way to drop weight, started having trouble within the first km of easy hiking. Her toes cramped, she was winded, needed breaks on any little hill. When we got to a bigger hill, she could only go about 10-15 steps before doubling over on her pole to rest. By the time we got to 10km we were moving at a pace of 0.2km per half hour because she had to stop so often and couldn’t move fast (she was completely exhausted). And this was on a long, rather flat section.
Needless to say, we did not get to our destination. We stopped and camped for the night, got her back down the mountain. The next day, we settled her into a campsite and my other friend and I went on a 12+ km day hike along a rocky river bed/canyon. All together I hiked 32+ km up and down the mountains in 2 days with my fitter friend. I am the most overweight person of my 2 friends. I am about 25lbs OVER my goal weight since doing my reset, but I trained and ate for what I wanted to do, not to lose ‘x’ amount of lbs and it paid off…plus, the weight/fat is still dropping slowly (12lbs lost over the summer training).
Pick fitness goals, not a weight goal…If you chose a weight goal as your focus, you might not reach a fitness goal, but if you pick a fitness goal as your focus, the weight just kinda falls off too!!
Share your success, no matter how large or small. You never know who you may inspire to hang on just a bit longer. We love featuring results and journey stories in REAL time, not just before/afters. If you have a victory (scale or not) let us know and allow us to share with the fam, by submitting to success@EM2WL.com
Q: Confession…I don’t want to go to my sister’s wedding because of my weight. Nothing looks good on me! My sister even gave me a diet that she lost a bunch of weight in two weeks (like 600-900 cal a day!). That was a month ago and I’m going to see her next week! I’m thinking of telling her that if I don’t feel comfortable by then, I’m not going to her wedding!?! I have a very critical family!! I hate being the fat kid of the family!! Like they always tell me “I have a pretty face but…”
Everybody tells me that I should love me the way I look BUT I CAN’T!!!!! These people are the same type that look at you up and down all night long!!!
A: You should absolutely go to your sister’s wedding! NO matter what! Find the perfect dress for YOU, and wear it with pride and confidence. That is more than half the battle.
Remember that there’s nothing wrong with wanting to make improvements, but if you can’t love yourself the way you are now, that will not change when you get to your goal size. Trust me on that one. Self acceptance is key. I learned (am learning) the hard way. Our way of thinking doesn’t change no matter what size we are.
I’ll match your confession, with a confession:
I’ve dealt with the issues that you’re talking about at EVERY size.
Even now I still have to battle these things. I don’t know if you watched my recent vid (or saw the tell all pics) about all that stress weight that I gained?
What I didn’t mention is that I also had to attend my own sister’s wedding during that time! I was 6 sizes larger than normal, and couldn’t even fit the dress that I’d brought to wear!!!
How devastating! I had to go out (just a couple days before the wedding) and buy a dress. A MUCH bigger size dress. Pretty humiliating.
Last minute dress shopping – I quickly discovered that this style of dress best hid my “flaws”
But guess what? I made the choice to buy a dress that fit me and complimented me well and to rock it with as much confidence as I could muster…in other words “fake it til you make it” LOL
And guess what…because I was confident, it spread. People complimented me, and said how much they loved the dress, and my husband kept telling me how great I looked. None of the scenarios I’d dreamed up in my head just days before even came close to happening. NO ONE asked “hey what size is that dress?” or “I thought you were a personal trainer, how did you get so fat, so fast?!”
They may have thought it…I don’t know…but really, who cares? I had a blast, and was there to support my sister. (The day wasn’t about me after all, who knew?!)
It’s now almost 3 months later, and I’m back down in sizes again. I also have an anniversary trip coming up that I’ve been looking forward to all year.
The day of the wedding
I’ve been planning on going shopping forever to get some cute little items for the trip, but do you know what’s been holding me back?
Thinking that I’m still not small enough yet. Dreading wearing a bathing suit, or having to buy clothes in certain sizes…
EVEN THOUGH I’ve lost all that stress weight, those SAME thoughts still come. 3 months ago, I’d have given anything to be this size, and now…I’m STILL self conscious about a bathing suit, lol…in front of the man who married me 12 years ago!! (To be fair, I’ve always been like that – even got down to size 0 and didn’t want to rock a bikini because my stomach wasn’t flat ENOUGH…drove hubs crazy!)
But I will fight through these thoughts, just like I did at the wedding, go shopping, find things that make me look great right.now.
And so will you.
Finding clothes that flatter me, no matter WHAT size, is always my cure all.
Stay strong on your path to self acceptance, because your sister (forgive me for saying) will have regained that weight 2-3xs by the time you reach your goal, and then YOU’LL be handing off your “secrets” to her.
Trust me on that one.
Stay strong, girl. And know that I understand. We all have those thoughts.
And don’t ever be afraid or sorry to reach out. I’m always here.
She had me at “Dark Chocolate”…I can’t wait to try out these yummy sounding DarkChocolate PB Protein Cookies shared by Emily Zaler, author of The EZ Whey Cookbook. If you like these, be sure to check out her cookbook for more inventive recipes using protein powder.
Mix all ingredients together in a large mixing bowl.
Drop by the tablespoon on to a cookie sheet lined with foil or sprayed with non-stick cooking spray.
Bake for about 10 minutes or until firm.
Note
Nutrition Information Per Cookie:
100 Calories, 7 grams of Fat, 4 grams of Carbs, 6 grams of Protein
Emily Zaler is a Certified Personal Trainer, Certified Sports Nutritionist, Author of The EZ Whey Cookbook, Magazine Columnist, Personal Chef, and Owner of The EZ Whey LLC. She holds her Bachelors of Science in Exercise and Wellness from Arizona State University. Emily and The EZ Whey have been featured in multiple media outlets worldwide, including Print, Television, Radio Shows, Online features, Newspapers, and Magazines. Top publications such as The LA Times, Chicago Tribune, Oxygen Magazine, Muscle and Fitness Hers, Runner’s World, Max Sports & Fitness, Physique Magazine, World Physique Magazine, Extra Fit Magazine, STACK Media, Inside Fitness Magazine, Scottsdale Health, Natural Bodz, and many more, have all featured Emily and The EZ Whey.
I am a runner. And I am a Lifter. I am a mother of 5, forty, fit and finally starting to love this body that lugs me through my busy day. This has been a long journey about self-discovery. Learning my limits, learning my goals, learning how to fall and get back up again. Learning how to do it all wrong then finally working out how to do it right. I’ve learnt the difference between dieting to lose weight and eating to lose fat. I’ve learnt the difference between weighted cardio and lifting heavy. I also learnt that cardio is good for you but if fit is the look you are after, you need to train smarter, heavier, not longer. I have learnt so much on this journey and yet I am only just beginning. Eating more, throwing out the scales and lifting to failure is working for me.
After having my fifth baby in October 2009 I gained weight. I was busy with 5 children, working with my husband in our farming business and making excuses for not having time to exercise. In February 2010 I was 74kg (163lb), my biggest weight ever. (79kg or 174lb was my biggest full term pregnancy weight) I decided there was no way I was going to buy the next size up in clothes, it was time to stop making excuses. My goal was never to be skinny, all I wanted was to be fit and healthy. I have never been one to obsess over scales, rather I used my favorite jeans to measure my weight. I exercised a little and cut back on some treats, walked everywhere and after doing cardio only exercise for 4mths I was disappointed with my slow progress. I was now 69kg and still feeling fat and ugly.
I joined the local gym and had a weights program written up by a trainer and got some great advice on interval training. This is when the cardio bunny in me was born.I loved tabata and was doing it every day along with weights – 15reps, 3 sets – 3 times a week. I powered through my workouts, dripping with sweat thinking I was doing all the right things. 12mths after my journey started I was still only 67kg (147lb). My fitness had improved but I was still not getting the results I wanted. I still didn’t look fit and had little tone. I started running. Lost a bit more. But I was still not seeing a fit healthy woman in the mirror.
I decided at this point that my diet may not have been as good as I thought so I started counting calories and bought a set of scales. I joined MyFitnessPal – an online diet and exercise diary – and set my calories at 1200 per day. I am 173cm (5ft8) tall and at this time weighed 65kg (143lb). The weight started dropping off. I lost a lot and by the end of 2011 I was down to 59kg (130lb)!! I was exhausted. Tired. Hungry. Cranky. I dragged myself through the day and armed with a HRM I dragged myself through workouts burning a minimum of 1000 cals 6 days a week. I did not look fit. I did not feel healthy. What was I doing wrong??? Then I found out that MFP had a community and I ‘met’ Kiki. I read her ramblings every day. I researched her ramblings every day. I read NROLFW. I researched. Could this crazy woman be right? Could I look and feel better if I ate more??? I was lifting – 3 times a week!
What I was doing was not working so I decided to give this eating thing a go. I decided to trust the process. In January 2012 I purchased a periodized workout plan that Kiki recommended and had decided to increase my cals to 2000 a day. My first ever bulk. I had become dependent on the scales – weighing in on a weekly basis and was not ready to give that up. As soon as I started the workouts I realized that I had not been lifting heavy. In fact all I had been doing was weighted cardio. I lasted 2 months and the ever rising scales did my head in (I had gained a whole kilo or 2lb). All the food did my head in. How could eating all this food help me look better? Not enough running did my head in. I needed to run to remain sane. But I had also tasted heavy weights and I loved it.
So in May 2012 I started running again and dropped my cals back to 1200. I immediately became lethargic. This lasted about 2 weeks before I put them up to 1500. Still little energy. I kept it up for another 2 weeks. I went up to 1800 cals. At this point I was able to think clearer. I did more research, looked back through my diaries and realized this Kiki lady knew what she was on about!! At that moment I did an overhaul of my diet. I worked on my macros (who would have thought there was more to food then broccoli and chocolate), tweaking and adjusting, working out what made me feel good. I no longer focused on calories but on the macronutrients in my food. I made sure I got enough of what my body needed and let the calories fall into place – they usually hit around 1800-2000cals. I cut the running back to 3 days a week and lifting days were for lifting only. I trained less, ate more and finally little muscles started to poke through!!! Finally I started to feel great. Finally I started to see results!! At this point I was 63kg. (138lb) and now only weighing monthly.
I needed a goal, something to keep me motivated. I decided to do a triathlon – the grueling ’hell of the west’ – 2km swim in a murky river, 80km ride along the highway, and a hot dry 20km run in the Australian outback. Two weeks into training the change in my physique was already showing. I was literally watching the muscle melt away. It was shear relief when my Dr. said he wanted to laser my varicose veins sooner rather than later. I decided that the interruption to training was too long and I would only do the 20km run. I also decided that the only way to maintain as much muscle as possible was to eat and lift to failure. I did not want to go back to skinny. December 2012 I started eating at around 3000 cals a day. I also threw out the scales. Best thing I ever did. Come race day I was a little heavier than a lot of athletes, perhaps this made me a little slower but I was happy to be full of energy and felt and looked fit. (my time was 1hr 40min)
The very next day I went into cut mode. I was cutting at what I had in the past thought was over eating!! I ate 1800cals a day, lifted heavy 3 days a week, did 2 interval cardio sessions and 1 weighted full body cross fit workout. I don’t know if you can call what I do bulking and cutting as my workout schedules don’t really fit the typical bulk/cut model. But it works for me. I’m not trying to compete so my diet and exercise has to be tailored into my life. I stopped cutting mid April when I decided to start training for a Tough Mudder – a 20km mud run. I am now 1 week out from the race. I’ve been eating around 3500cals a day and I feel great. Eating gives me the energy to keep up with all the rigorous training and still live my life. At the moment I do 2-3 cross fit style workouts a week. I run 3-4 days a week and I lift 3 days. I am bruised and battered, my body hurts most days but it’s a pain I love – the feeling you get when your body is repairing and growing.
Back Cut Results
I weighed myself before writing this and I have gained 7kg in the last 8mths. I went into full meltdown mode when I saw that number. I couldn’t believe how far I had let myself go. At this point I took some pictures and compared the difference to last time I was the same weight. Wow. If that doesn’t convince you to throw out the scale I don’t know what will??!! I know it’s not all muscle but again if I’m a little slower because I’m a little fluffier, it’s a price I’m willing to pay.
Same weight, same shirt!
I will start to cut again when this race is over and I’m excited to see what lies beneath! I am lifting 3-4 times heavier then when I did the same reps in my first round of periodization. I have learnt to listen to my body. If I need a rest day, I take it. If I need a refuel day, I eat. I feel strong. I feel healthy. I am the same weight I was 2 years ago and look and feel completely different. I will keep running as it keeps me sane. I love to wake up and go for a run. Or not. Maybe sprint intervals. Maybe I’ll try for a PB. I love not planning my runs, I just put on my shoes and let my body do the thinking. I will also keep on lifting. I love the feeling of power. I love seeing the weights go up. I love the structure of a weighted workout. I love the comments. I know that running will make building muscle slower but I am finally at peace with that. I no longer care how many calories I burn in a workout, I work out because I love it. I no longer need the scales – numbers do not define me. I eat to fuel my workout or my current goal. I am not the fastest or the strongest but I am fit and I am healthy.
Share your success, no matter how large or small. You never know who you may inspire to hang on just a bit longer. We love featuring results and journey stories in REAL time, not just before/afters. If you have a victory (scale or not) let us know and allow us to share with the fam, by submitting to success@EM2WL.com
While many women spend their lives dieting, or doing whatever it takes for the ripped, “fitness model” or competitor look, other ladies are choosing to walk away from industry all together. In this special interview, Danny-J (of The Sweaty Betties) was so awesome to share with us her experience not only to the competition stage, but also AWAY from it and its damaging extremes. If you’ve been dieting and killing yourself for hours in gym for longer than you can remember, yet feel like you’re moving further from who/where you thought you’d be by now — you will want to read EVERY word. Being over-trained and under–fed for a “look” was once her driving passion…how does she feel about it now?
EM2WL: At what age did you start competing? Danny-J: I was 25 when I started competing.. oh wow, that makes me sad
E: What inspired you to compete? D: Initially I was an acrobat and in really good shape and people just kept asking me if I competed. I didn’t even know what that meant so I looked into it. Then I was intrigued and very impressed with the bodies and I really wanted to have that kind of physique.
E: How long did you compete before deciding to leave the competition world? D: My first show was in December 2006 and my last show was in November 2009. So it was 3 years.
E: Did you always do Bikini or have you competed at multiple levels? D:I did Figure for my first two years (it was the only option besides bodybuilding) and the last year I tried two bikini shows.
E: How many competitions did you typically participate in per year? D: I did about 3 a year. It was too many.
E: Can you describe the weight fluctuations between off season and competition prep? What about changes to your diet? D: I didn’t have a lot of weight fluctuations. I was in great shape before competing and I mayyyybe would lose about 3-4 lbs. However, the more I competed the more I thought I had to do. I pushed too hard when I didn’t need to. After my last show I gained over 30 lbs and now I am still sitting about 15-18lbs above my old “normal” weight
E: Can you describe what a typical day was like when prepping for the stage? D: Eating the same meals every day, on the clock: 7am, 10am, 1pm, 4pm, 7pm, 10pm.
Usually a workout before work then cardio and then work. Then sometimes more cardio after work around 9-10pm.
E: You’ve mentioned on your website and in videos how competing has affected your metabolism. Were there any signs that led you to discover this? D: Sure, there were signs, that I heavily ignored. Fatigue, hunger, loss of sex drive. I thought these things were “normal” or “just part of the process” so I had to just “suck it up” …I felt like this was what set apart champions from the rest, was that “we” could tolerate some discomfort and lack of sleep. Little did I know how badly I was hurting myself and how long it would take to crawl out of that.
E: Can you tell our readers some of the extreme methods you utilized to achieve a ‘stage ready’ look? D: I would say, for me, it was just a very low calorie diet (900-1100 per day) for over 8 months straight with zero carbs nearly the whole time and an hour of cardio a day, 7 days per week and I worked two jobs. During my first year I did two hours of cardio a day, but I was eating carbs and I convinced myself that was better… it wasn’t. Luckily, I didn’t do any fat burners, T3, or other drugs I’ve heard of, but truth be told, I think I’m still just as damaged from the extreme dieting for so so long. Your body can only be deprived so long before it rebels.
E: Were there other areas, physical or psychological, impacted by competing? D: Absolutely. I was depressed. I went to the Dr. for Prozac. I thought I was crazy. I had anxiety because of my weight gain. My sex life was in the toilet, so obviously my marriage was affected. I didn’t even want my husband to touch me or see my body, which makes me want to cry now. I panicked about being in public. I didn’t want pictures taken of me. My skin was a mess, breaking out all the time. I felt completely exhausted, like a zombie, for months. Honestly, there were times I wanted to die.
E: Do you feel that there are any methods of prepping for Bodybuilding/Figure competitions that don’t compromise ones metabolism? D: I have seen very few coaches do it, but yes, I do believe there are. For one, I think that its making sure you have plenty of time to prep—this trying to lose 30 lbs in 12 weeks and get on stage is BS. Also, you need breaks between shows and there is NO reason why anyone needs to calorie restrict so bad. I just recently trained a client from Fit To Be in Your Kitchen with guidance from Ruben Sandoval and saw first hand how someone could eat more food and have less and less cardio before the show. However, you still have to be STRICT and its mentally taxing.
E: Was there an aha moment where you decided to get out of the business? D: Yeah, honestly, it was more of a political issue at the time than even a physical one. I went to a show where I was basically threatened by the organizers, it was my last show. I did not place well and I was basically being “taught a lesson”. I realized at that point, that this wasn’t even a physique contest, it was a business and one that I no longer wanted to be part of. Ironically, my body didn’t want to be part of it either.
E: What would you say to the many women who want to look like a fitness cover model? D:Looking like a cover model is an interesting goal. Sometimes I wonder what is really lying behind that goal? It is possible and attainable. Sometimes I think people just want to prove that they can do something, and I understand that. My whole life I have felt that I needed to prove that things could be done when others say they couldn’t. However, I will say that getting a cover is fleeting. Someone else is on the cover the next month. You need to have more depth and substance. If working out becomes your life to the point of missing family events, not enjoying dessert on your wedding anniversary or affecting your family life, its time to step back and see what you’re really avoiding. If you’re just wanting to be the healthiest you have been and feel great and encourage others, then, great! Just check your motives and try to live life in balance. Life is too darn short.
E: Do you think it is a realistic goal for the average woman to have if they are not competing? D: Realistic… maybe. I think so much depends on genetics. It may be very realistic for some and not at all for others. I honestly am not really sure if I think it’s a WORTHY goal. I spent 3 years so focused on my abs and how my body looked, but do you know what my goals are now? To donate as much money as I can to Big Brothers Big sisters, to volunteer with tornado clean up, to build teams of amazing women, to help people get out of debt. I think it’s a possible goal and I think goals like that give us a reason to keep working out and be healthy, but I’d like to see some deeper and more meaningful goals at this time in my life. I’d like to see us AS WOMEN have better goals. We are capable of more. What happens if you get up and can’t walk tomorrow?! (It happened to me) guess what? You won’t give two sh**s about your abs. This I promise.
E: Do you have children? What kind of message do you think bikini and figure competitions send to young girls? D: That’s a tricky question. I do not have children, but I did have a daughter, whom I gave up for adoption. I was pregnant at 15 and now she is 16.
I actually went to a “real pageant” where they had a talent and swimsuit competition and it was SO different. The suits were so modest and there were no sexy or provocative poses. When I was first “in it” I saw the “physiques” I didn’t see all the sexed up parts, but then being away and seeing the other type of pageant, my eyes were opened. I would not want my daughter to look at those types of bikini shows and aspire to be in them, however, I would support her in whatever she chose to do and I’d try and make sure she was being as healthy as possible.
E: How has your life changed since stopping competing? D:The first two years were rough. I was miserable. Sick, tired, fat, depressed, lost. I felt like a lot of my identity was wrapped up in how I looked.
Now, today, it’s better than ever. I don’t have panic attacks if I can’t work out. In fact, I can take weeks off of the gym and just be active and eat what I want and maintain my weight. I have learned to LISTEN to my body and have learned to LOVE and FORGIVE my body. I’m still heavier than where I want to be, but I’m honestly feeling more comfortable with myself than ever before. I can try new fun workouts instead of being so regimented in my schedule. I can be spontaneous and have a fit LIFESTYLE rather than be a gym rat (which there is nothing wrong with). I had to do a lot of INTERNAL work to get to where I am now and who would have ever guessed that the damage I caused would eventually be a blessing? (If you had asked me in 2010 I would have said HELL NO!!) I have really found freedom in movement and food and life in general. Parts of me regret competing but then I would not have the self-awareness that I do today.
E: How can our readers see more from/follow you? (FB/IG/Website, etc)
D: Thank you Kiki, this interview was fun…I hope it hits home with the right people
Danny-J is the owner of The Sweaty Betties: an “irreverent group of women who are looking to get fit and have a whole lot of fun along the way.”
Danny-J’s fans (The Sweaty Betties) are wildly enthusiastic about listening to someone who isn’t afraid to put some of the diet and exercise myths on blast. Danny’s passion in fitness lead her all the way through a Master’s program in Health Promotion and Exercise Science at California University of Pennsylvania. She holds numerous certifications for personal training and weight-loss and is an accomplished trainer, helping dozens of clients lose OVER 100 lbs. and helping 1,000’s of clients live healthier lives in her 8+ years training.
However, Danny-J, wasn’t always such a positive and motivational person. She had her share of struggles, being a suicidal teen, she ended up pregnant at 15 years old. She chose to place her daughter for adoption and that motivated her to start to get her act together, so she could be proud when and if she ever got to meet her child again.
She is now married to her best-friend and “Big Tattoo Muscle Man” and they live in Dallas, Texas with their two silly pups.
Her toes cramped, she was winded, needed breaks on any little hill. When we got to a bigger hill, she could only go about 10-15 steps before doubling over on her pole to rest. By the time we got to 10km we were moving at a pace of 0.2km per half hour because she had to stop so often and couldn’t move fast (she was completely exhausted). And this was on a long, rather flat section.
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