by EM2WL | Sep 19, 2012 | Testimonials, The Journey
My mum always wanted to tell this story, but sadly she didn’t live to do it, so I am doing it for her. She was and always will be my greatest inspiration.
This is very painful for me, but it was always her wish, that we write this story together, so that if it even helped one person, it would be worth it.
My journey is a long one. I think I was about 9 when I first wanted to go on a diet, my mum wouldn’t hear of it, unhealthy at that age, still growing. So I called it healthy eating instead, but secretly, it was a diet! I had body image problems from that age. I was never fat, never thin, just somewhere in the middle, just not perfect enough for me.
By the time I was 14 it was obsession with food and exercise. By 15 I had anorexia nervosa. That was a terrible chapter in my life. I was completely obsessed with food, would read recipe books, cook for other people, but not feed myself. I got very good at being deceitful, hiding food, lying; I knew every trick in the book. I lost weight rapidly. It destroyed my family seeing me fade away, but especially my mum. It is a mother’s instinct to feed her child and she was helpless, watched me slowly starve. For me it wasn’t about the way I looked anymore, it was about total control. I controlled calories in, calories out. It got pretty bad. My hair came out in clumps. I was freezing all the time, used to have 1 hour boiling hot baths just to warm up. Menstruation stopped. My sleep was very disturbed; if I woke at 4am I would get up to exercise for a few hours. I would get up to go for a run before school. I knew I needed fuel before my run, so I would eat one peanut. Yup, one peanut. It’s crazy, your brain is not your own. At my lowest, I was 57 pounds, I am 5 foot 8. I begged not to be hospitalized, I wanted to defeat this illness. I was in my final year at school and missed half of it through illness, my immune system was very low, I would catch any bug that was around. I still got all my exams, which might begin to explain the stubborn and determined person I can be!
My mum’s patience was unbelievable. She was just there for me, in any way that she could be. I was rotten to be around. Very irritable, angry, secretive, but she kept on with her love until slowly I would eat a little more, talk a little more, exercise a little less! My faith and strength drawn from my spiritual way of life really helped too. By the time I was 20 I was pretty healthy. Still a cardio bunny, and would be very careful with what I ate, but a healthy weight and living a pretty normal life.
At 22 I met my husband. He was the first boyfriend I ate in front of! (Some mental chains hang around for years!!) We married in 1999. I had never dared dream of having children as I did not know what damage those years of under eating had done. I was pregnant straight away! My mum was worried at how I would handle my body changing. It was fine! After the first few months of morning sickness I was hungry and I fed my body, I knew the little life growing inside of me depended on me. I got weighed. Aaarrgghh! I started stressing, maybe I should eat less. NO. I put the scale away for the rest of my pregnancy. Honestly I did not set foot on that thing for 6 months! I knew I could not handle those numbers mentally, so I just put it right away. My pregnancy was totally trouble free; I had a beautiful, healthy baby boy, my parent’s first grandchild. I lost any weight I put on within 6 months. Yes, I put too much pressure on myself. Over the next few years, I had 2 more boys. If I gained 10 pounds or so I would just increase the exercise, decrease the calories. My ED had seemingly disappeared for now. I got a little exercise, ate healthily but just so enjoyed being mother to my 3 little boys. I was a little heavier, but not really noticeably and I was fine with that.
My husband is from Barbados and we had always planned on moving back there to raise our family. For many reasons, 5 years ago, we decided to settle where I was from in Northumberland, England instead. We bought our first home just 3 miles from my parent’s house and from where we both work. Everything was wonderful; I had finally found complete happiness.
So, a lovely story that ends well right? Not quite!
My mum had a sore knee; she collapsed during the night and was air lifted to hospital. We thought she’d had a stroke. An MRI showed she had lung cancer, with secondaries in her brain, liver and bones. I’ll spare you all the details, but she passed away, at home, less than 8 weeks later. I was devastated. She was everything to me. My best friend, we worked alongside each other every day for 17 years. I didn’t eat for 5 days. Then, the day after her funeral, I found out I was pregnant again. This one was a surprise! We had always said we were happy with our 3 boys. My mum had always said that one day I would have a girl, we often joked about it. There I was again, responsible for this life inside me, I had to eat properly.
I really struggled without my mum; she offered so much emotional support. It was another terrible chapter in my life. My beautiful daughter was born the following June, so delicate and pretty compared to her big strong brothers. I don’t know how my mum did it, but that was her last gift to me. My daughter is 3 now and has an indomitable spirit just like my mum.
In that first year after I lost my mum, I had the opposite reaction to emotion that I usually do. I ate! But I struggled to do any exercise at all dealing with now running the business, new home, change of plans long term, new baby, losing my mum, I ate absentmindedly, didn’t pay attention, didn’t really care. I gained about 60 pounds.
I have never been this size in my life! So I start what I hope will be the final chapter in my long journey. I am chasing away these demons for good, this is for life! More than anything, I don’t want to affect my daughter or influence her in a negative way.
I came to MFP around the end of May. I started on the 1200 calorie as recommended and got in as much cardio every day as I could possibly manage. I am vegan and cut out any processed vegan proteins, white carbs etc., so was basically eating fruit, vegetables and beans with the odd handful of nuts. I was losing weight, quickly, 3 or 4 pound a week. Great! I felt good as I was having a lot of nutrient dense food. After a couple of weeks the weight loss slowed.
I wanted this weight off fast, I am fed up with being this weight — I want it gone like, now!
So what do you do? What I have always been taught, eat less exercise more. Calories dropped to 700 calories — burns were at over 1000 every day! I stopped enjoying my exercise, as it got harder to do the same thing. Fell asleep on the sofa every night. Got snappy with my children dreaded the scale as the amount of effort I put in was not showing. Luckily this only went on for a few weeks when a fabulous woman on my friends list messages me to say “girl, you need to eat more!” and sent me in the direction of this group.
I was skeptical, I mean come on, I was supposed to eat that much? No way! I spent any spare time reading up, researching and it all made sense to me so I thought well why not give it a go? I upped my calories gradually, but have gone from sub 1000 to around 1900! That was a huge leap of faith for me, I am still playing around with the numbers to find what works for me. Importantly, at the same time I changed my macros to increase protein (from maybe 40 to 140!) and started lifting heavy 3 times a week, sometimes NROLFW sometimes Cathe. My weight went up, came down a bit, up a bit, don’t care so much now.
The best thing is I have learned not to be so hard on myself. I have learned patience. I don’t have to lose x amount of pounds by x date — there are other more important things. Sure, I am still too heavy but that is not my only focus. It is just part of the picture.
So since I increased my calories and started lifting heavy about 8 weeks ago have I noticed any changes? On the scale, not really.
Anywhere else? Absolutely yes!!
My body is changing shape. I have delts and biceps! I can feel and see my quads! I have lost 2% body fat! I have gone down 2 dress sizes! My cardio workouts are on fire!!! I eat the same food as my family, and I don’t get bad tempered at meal times. Food is no longer the enemy, it is my fuel!
I know I am in for a long journey because I am doing it the slow way, and that’s not for everyone, but any progress is just that – progress! I don’t just want to lose weight, I want to be strong and lean for the rest of my days. I love lifting heavy and I love kickboxing.
For me, patience and finding what works for you is the key.
My Daughter was trying to punch my heavy bag with me the other day and I told her, ‘don’t do that, sweetheart, you’ll hurt your hands.’ ‘Can I do it when I’m bigger?’ she asks. ‘yes, when you are older,’ I reply. ‘Right,’ she says,’ I have to eat really good food and then I will get big and strong!’ She’s got it all figured out, I could learn a lot from her…
Have an EM2WL transformation to share? Willing to let us tag along on your journey? We’d love to see it! Be featured on our Transformation/Journey page by submitting your story to Success@EM2WL.com
by EM2WL | Sep 17, 2012 | Testimonials, The Journey
I am sure you have seen it, people that say eating more to weigh less is bullpoopoo, since eating more is what made them fat in the first place. They swear that 1200 calories or less has no negative impact and it works for them…end of story.
I am not here to tell anyone how to lose weight and get healthy…I can only tell you what worked for me.
In October 2010, I gave birth to my 4th surrogate baby, a precious little girl, into the arms of her parents. The end of the pregnancy was a bit rough, with gestational diabetes and high blood pressure. But, she was out and she was healthy. Three days after giving birth, my blood pressure started being uncontrollable and I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia. It usually happens before giving birth, but I like to do things my way. After spending 5 days in the hospital, hooked to so many beeping machines and scared to death of leaving my own kids without a mom, I was released home and more than ever convinced that I wanted to be healthy. My high blood pressure had nothing to do with my weight but I never want to feel that sick in my life — if I can help it.
On November 11th 2010, I logged on MFP for the first time. Like everyone else and their cousins, I was put on 1200 calories a day. I also started 30DS and C25K. The results came immediately, and I lost 15 pounds in the first 3 months. I also lost my will to live…ok, ok it was not that bad LOL — but, I was low in energy and high in irritability. The worst part is that, while I lost weight…it didn’t change my shape. I was a smaller version of my fat self.
So I was miserable, hungry, irritable and still soft…that was not good, I had to find a better way.
I started reading and researching, I knew that 1200 calories were not enough so my first step was to up those to 1400-1500 calories a day. It was a lot better but my weight loss was very slow and has been ever since. Then in the summer of 2011, I ordered the book “The New Rules of Lifting for Women.” I upped my calories again to 1600 on days I didn’t lift and 1900 on days I did. Let me tell you, that first day in the big boy part of the gym was intimidating. There was no way for me to blend in!!! But I faked confidence and did my thing. It was pretty much love at first rep!!! The first 6 weeks, I lost a total of 6 inches but the scale didn’t move. I didn’t care since I was looking better and better.
For 6 months, I did the program, ate my calories and saw no changes on the scale or on the measuring tape. I do not know if it because I am stubborn or stupid, but even with the lack of results I just did the program…and I am glad I did. What I learned is that the tools I was using were the problem…not my body. I was also feeling so much better!!!!
By the time February came around, I was done with the new rules and it was time to try to shed my last 10 pounds so I lowered my calories back to 1400…mistake…bad, bad mistake. In that month I had a cold from hell, my lifting got horrible, I had headaches, mood swings, my cycle turned into a 3 week affair. I was not having fun. I also lost 5 pounds but at a very high price. I then went back to maintenance for a month, then did another cut cycle. I had plan for a month cut cycle but didn’t last a week. This is when I contacted Kiki because I was very lost and I trust her judgment. I really wanted to lose the last 10 pounds. We calculated my TDEE (2000 calories!!!) -15% (1700 calories!!!!) and to try that.
Try that I did!!!
First…yay…food!!!!!
Second…yay…food!!!!
My running got better, my lifting got better and best of all, my body was changing.
“But, but, but,” you ask…what about the scale? Well it stayed the same. In fact…in the 20 months I have been doing this, I lost 15 pounds in the first 3 months, than 5 pounds in the other 17 months. Let just say that view from the outside, it is hardly impressive!!!!
From my own point of view…I am in the best shape of my life, I feel sexy, lifting gives me strength…muscular for sure but also mental and emotional strength…and that makes the number on the scale insignificant.
Have an EM2WL transformation to share? Willing to let us tag along on your journey? We’d love to see it! Be featured on our Transformation/Journey page by submitting your story to Success@EM2WL.com
by EM2WL | Sep 16, 2012 | Consistency
From an original thread in the forums:
I ADORE how more people are realizing that the process requires baby steps. I’ve noticed (as I’m sure many of you have) that it’s the people who try to “change the world” or do everything at once that have the most difficulty with the entire process.
Increasing calories, trying to hit macros perfectly, doing a reset, decreasing/increasing exercise, adding in weight lifting, running a 10k, going Paleo, zigzagging cals, IFing, adding Peanut Butter back in to the diet, drinking protein shakes, adding HIIT, giving up diet soda, switching to low carb/high carb, going to college, getting a degree, becoming a doctor, inventing a cure for cancer…
Ok, so I’m getting carried away…
But you get what I’m saying. Trying to conquer the world during your first week/month/YEAR of EM2WL (or most anything, for that matter), is gonna put you on the fast track to insanity.
One step at a time is all we can do.
Think of all things on your journey that you feel you need to work on: increase protein? drink more water? eat more veggies? not get on the scale as much? add good fats? let go of quick fix mentality? (aka stop watching The Biggest Loser, or reading mags that fill you with doubt…) and pick ONE that will have the greatest impact.
Do that ONE thing, until it is second nature. Then add the next step. There is no rush. You have nothing but time, this is the rest of your life.
Side note: For some, simply increasing calories is putting more than enough on their plates (pardon the pun), and they need to only focus on that.
When we tackle ONE new thing we have an over 80% success ratio. When we try to tackle TWO things, that rate drops as low as 20%
“ONE thing at a time!” you exclaim…”but that may take over a YEAR!”
EXXXXACTLY
Set yourself up for success!
Have you considered the changes that you need to make? Which will have the MOST immediate impact? What ONE thing will you be working on?
by EM2WL | Sep 13, 2012 | Testimonials
Written by: Tamika
I’ve been thinking to myself all day if I had a story or something encouraging to share. Simply because I have not reached my goals just yet and I am still a HUGE work in progress. But when I think about where I’ve come from and how far I’ve come the answer would be YES I do have a story.
Not that I haven’t always struggled with my weight because I have. I’ve yo-yo dieted for as long as I remember. Loading up on cardio, tried barbie weights once didn’t like it so I went back to cardio. Lost weight, gained weight….yada yada yada. Same story different actress.
Let me take you to 2 years ago, when I found the magic potion. It gave me the satisfaction I wanted quick weight loss, a step by step eating plan, NO exercise. Just wake up and BOOM the weight was gone. Hello HCG!!!!! The answer to all my prayers, or at least I thought. Yeah I lost weight about 18 lbs in a month and believe it or not I struggled to eat the measly 500 calories after the first 2 weeks on the diet. I had a plan honey, oh yes I’d lose this weight FOREVER!!!! Kept it a secret because I wanted to blow people away with my dramatic transformation and mostly wanted them to think I was doing it on my own. Silly right, I know. I lost…they noticed… and then…
I gave up my gym membership, fired my trainer. Because after all I was a member and paid the trainer for a whole year and lost a whopping 4 lbs! I’d lost the weight so what did I need them for? HCG did what I was paying them to do, and did it in 1 month. Boy was I silly (I was skinny though) I kept the weight off for a few months. Then slowly without me noticing I gained the 18 lbs back +12 more. And let me tell you it must be angry fat because it wont budge!!
Fast forward to this year I joined MFP in February fell in love with it. Put my info in and started doing Insanity. I’d log my food and calories everyday met some nice encouraging people. I was on top of the world!!! NOT REALLY! Everyday I’d log MFP would warn me saying in those red letters “you are not eating enough…its hard to lose weight if you don’t EAT” well not those exact words but you get the picture. SO I made a comment on a status stating that MFP was telling me to eat more and ALL my pals said ignore it, MFP is stupid, you are doing great. SO I listened to my pals after all they knew what to do. About a month into insanity I decided to read the book that came with the program, did the calculations to figure out my calorie intake and it said 2600 calories. I was like no way!!! How is this even possible eating a lot is why I’m here. However I did up my calories to about 2000 a day but I then added 5 more hours of workouts to my schedule. Talk about counter productive!! So that’s about 12 hours of working out at a strenuous level. And I thought I was doing something eating 2000 calories. I lost a whole 4 lbs in the beginning and nothing else. After all that work NOTHING!!
I was surrounded by bad advice, on MFP and in my life. A trainer told me 2000 calories was to much and that I was eating more than he was. And that it takes 3500 calories to make a pound so I need to eat less than that and burn more in a week. Basically eat 3500 calories and burn 6000. So I dropped my calories again. Felt weak, short tempered, frustrated, had crazy binges (on hot dogs, who binges on hot dogs??), no urge to workout and wanted to quit.
Then comes EM2WL!!! They told me to basically eat, exercise and repeat. I’ve learned so much from everyone here and have still made mistakes. Because I didn’t understand the reset process I cut too early during my first round and had to start over. During the first reset I still hadn’t fully wrapped my brain around the whole process. I was still possessed by the scale and eating more scared me half to death. I had to take a step back and look at the big picture. I knew I wanted long term results and I had to work for it. Once it clicked, I put the scale away started heavy lifting and stopped starved myself. Now the scale doesn’t mean a thing, I lift, and I eat. I’m happier, I don’t miss out on family gatherings because of some ridiculous fad diet. I’m stronger and look forward to my cut and seeing where this journey is going to take me. I still struggle with the microwave mentality from time to time. Thinking I should be lifting crazy amounts and have a six pack already.
If I could say anything to someone who is struggling and skeptical I’d say keep going this is not a cookie cutter journey you have to find your numbers, find you workout and stick to it. Put away the scale, pick up some weights, and LIVE!!! Add patience into the equation and success will come. I’m still waiting, learning and have no plans to quit. Happy I’ve found my EM2WL family, I’d still be lost without you guys!
by | Sep 11, 2012 | The Journey
Guest Post: by Becca
Seems to be a lot of people feeling discouraged on the boards lately.
Was thinking all morning while doing various tasks around the house, trying to find something encouraging to say because I really want to pay it forward. I have been tremendously blessed by those who shared EM2WL with me. I’m not sure I have anything that’s hugely encouraging to say…but I will say this:
I have struggled with my weight my whole life. Struggled more with eating disorders from the time I was 15. Truth be told, I still struggle. EM2WL was a breath of fresh air for me, and has brought tremendous balance into my life. I know I can never go back, no matter what lies the scale is telling me. Our mental and emotional state is critical in this journey, and sometimes we have to fix that or we will just keep yo-yoing between this diet and that diet and never getting anywhere. Trust me, I know this one, and I ended up fatter than I ever thought possible (check out my pics if you need further clarification). Right before Christmas, I was nearing the 100 lb loss mark and I decided it was gonna happen no matter what, and I pushed my body to its limit, and I made it. I was starving, cranky and irritable. But I was able to say I lost 100 lbs in a year.
Whoopdedoo.
In the meantime, my poor family suffered with a cranky mother, I was spending 3 hours a day working out when my kids needed their mommy, my hair fell out in huge clumps, I was always freezing, always weak, and prided myself on not ever being hungry.
I freaked out if I was invited to a get-together because I couldn’t possibly imagine how I was going to handle eating like a normal person. After Christmas and multiple conversations with Kiki (bless her patient heart), I decided to give it a shot. On my first reset, I gained about 12 lbs in 4 weeks. Crazy. When given the opportunity to eat, I did. Too much. Then I went back to cut and lost the weight I regained. Multiple resets later, I am cutting once again. My weight has gone up and down over these months, but you know what my weight was that Christmas morning? 173. Can’t really give a completely accurate weight because I haven’t weighed for 2 weeks. But my last weigh in I was 167.5.
Oh and I was a size 8 at Christmas, size 4 or 6 now. I was 33% bf then, now I’m around 26.
I have seen huge strength gains since eating more, am longer going bald, and feel like I have my life back. I am not always happy that my progress is slower and I often feel like I am spinning my wheels but the truth is that while the scale is barely moving, I am losing body fat, gaining muscle and losing sizes. I am making progress even if it is slow. I am eating double or more calories than I was before Christmas. I have more energy and my health is better. It has taken time, but I damaged my metabolism for a long time and realize I must be patient, and it may not be a 4, 6, or 8 week fix. This is life, and I have to be able to live it.
If you are feeling discouraged, and want to give up, please take an honest assessment of your life before and after EM2WL and compare more than just the scale. Going back to VLCD may work for a few weeks, but it is simply not a long term solution and is not worth the poor quality of life that goes with the territory.
Have an EM2WL word of encouragement to share? Have you encountered bumps in the road on your journey? Are you tempted to only think negative thoughts, even though you are further along than you previously were? Are you eating 100, 300, 600 cals MORE than you were before and NOT gaining weight? Are you seeing changes, whether on the scale, the tape measure, definition, more energy, better sleep, not losing hair anymore, not being grumpy at your family all the time, etc? Leave a comment or submit your post to Success@EM2WL.com
Becca is a busy wife and homeschooling mother to five children ages 5 to 13. About three years ago, she embarked on a journey to health and fitness that resulted in the loss of approximately 100 pounds. Today, she is a competitive powerlifter and strongwoman who loves ice cream and deadlifts. As an ISSA certified personal trainer, she is passionate about helping women to get started on a lifestyle of strength and fitness.
By the time I was 14 it was obsession with food and exercise. By 15 I had anorexia nervosa. That was a terrible chapter in my life. I was completely obsessed with food, would read recipe books, cook for other people, but not feed myself. I got very good at being deceitful, hiding food, lying; I knew every trick in the book. I lost weight rapidly. It destroyed my family seeing me fade away, but especially my mum. It is a mother’s instinct to feed her child and she was helpless, watched me slowly starve. For me it wasn’t about the way I looked anymore, it was about total control. I controlled calories in, calories out. It got pretty bad. My hair came out in clumps. I was freezing all the time, used to have 1 hour boiling hot baths just to warm up. Menstruation stopped. My sleep was very disturbed; if I woke at 4am I would get up to exercise for a few hours. I would get up to go for a run before school. I knew I needed fuel before my run, so I would eat one peanut. Yup, one peanut. It’s crazy, your brain is not your own. At my lowest, I was 57 pounds, I am 5 foot 8. I begged not to be hospitalized, I wanted to defeat this illness. I was in my final year at school and missed half of it through illness, my immune system was very low, I would catch any bug that was around. I still got all my exams, which might begin to explain the stubborn and determined person I can be!
I came to MFP around the end of May. I started on the 1200 calorie as recommended and got in as much cardio every day as I could possibly manage. I am vegan and cut out any processed vegan proteins, white carbs etc., so was basically eating fruit, vegetables and beans with the odd handful of nuts. I was losing weight, quickly, 3 or 4 pound a week. Great! I felt good as I was having a lot of nutrient dense food. After a couple of weeks the weight loss slowed.
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